FROM THE ARCHIVES: I WILL LOVE AND YOU WILL OBEY- PART 3

NINE INGREDIENTS OF DIVINE LOVE IN PRACTICE BY A CHRISTIAN HUSBAND

           

There is no doubt that what is expected of a Christian husband is not an easy task at al. it is only the divine presence of the Holy Spirit described in its fullness from 1 Corinthians 12 that can lead on to these nine ingredients of love in 1 Corinthians 13. It should be remembered that Galatians 5:22 describes LOVE as the first fruit of the spirit. Christ Himself said it is the most important commandment. (Matthew 22: 36, 37).

(i)                 PATIENCE can be described as the passive love. 1 Corinthians 13: 4 & 7 describes this ingredient as being long-suffering, bears, believes, hopes and endures all things. There are going to be occasions especially early in marriage when the patience of a partner is tried to the limit. He would have complained about one thing or the other which the wife is not used to and during the time of adjustment he naturally grows annoyed. It is under such occasions the husband is expected to remember: ‘I love you.’ He continues to believe things are going to be better and thereby endures the situation.

(ii)               KINDNESS is love in action.

There are some husbands who only try to show off in public by opening the door of the car for their ‘bride.’  Such is only good when other kindness and concern is shown when only two of you are present. This show of kindness involves a constant appreciation of the wife’s extra labour of cooking, cleaning the house, washing napkins and clothes and lots of other household duties possibly in addition to her daily duty at work; when such appreciation is followed by a sincere helping hand and encouragement from the husband the wife is happy. But please note that it is necessary to be consistent in showing kindness to your wife.

(iii)             GENEROSITY – Love in competition.

Love within marriage should continue to be fanned by gifts of different kinds. Many husbands stop giving their wives gifts after the wedding day! Gifts need not be expensive; it may even be ‘a piece of meat’ on the table! Especially when as a result of unexpected visitors your meat ration has been cut off from four pieces to one and your wife has none! This ingredient of generosity should spread to the use of time in helping to get things done in the house.

(iv)             HUMILITY: Love in hiding

Within Nigerian set-up pride tends to rule the heart of the husband – he remembers he is the head of the family and thereby assumes a bloated degree of importance. Verse 4: ‘Love vaunteth not itself, it is not puffed up.’ Nothing should be too mean for the husband to do for his wife.

(v)               COURTESY – Love in society

Verse 5: “Love does not behave itself unseemly...” It means being polite both at home and especially outside. A husband must never disagree publicly with his wife; he can do this by constantly remembering that she is part of himself. Whatever he would feel about, if it is done by someone else must be avoided.

(vi)             SELFLESSNESS – Love in disposition

Verse 5: ‘seeketh not her own...thinketh no evil.’ It is always necessary for the husband to think more of the good of his wife.  He shows concern about her family responsibilities and her welfare. This ingredient is important in the aspect of sexual relationship. It is easy for the husband to ‘use’ the wife to satisfy his sexual appetite – Both husband and wife need to enjoy this aspect and there will be occasions when the wife is rather too tired to respond – the husband needs to express love that is not selfish to her.

(vii)           GOOD TEMPER : Love in disposition

Verse 5 ‘not easily provoked, thinks no evil...’There is a useful attitude that has helped in situations which would have brought about hot temper; that is the attitude of ‘positive analysis.’ When your wife has done something that annoys you to be provoked, first think of the positive reasons why she did it! Start from yourself – “Have I caused it? Was it done for the good of the family? I believe she did it for our good and until she proves otherwise I am not going to be angry because I love her.”

(viii)          RIGHTEOUSNESS: ‘White love’

Verse 6: When a husband sincerely hates sin, he would aim at keeping his home away from falling into sin. He himself will positively guard against it. He is always thinking in turns of how the family will be closer to God. Ephesians 5: 25-28 expresses a love that sanctifies and cleanses the wife so that she can be presented to God as holy and without blemish. It is one of the most important duties of the husband to ensure that the family altar is not neglected. He is to ensure constant love for God by the whole family and it is only through this that internal family love continues to grow. The more righteous a couple is, the greater their love one to another.

(ix)             SINCERITY: ‘Love never fails’

It is not necessary to expand this much further but simply to add that when all that is done in love is done with Christian sincerity such love will never fail. It makes you both feel you are still on honeymoon after 50 years of marriage. Yes, love brings submission and love in response. I am yet to find a couple who will follow the analysis of the scriptures without riding through their marriage in JOY and peace.

May our love to our wives be such that makes them obey us so that we shall both enjoy the peace and joy of marriage as God has designed it for us.  I will love, you will obey is the balanced and unbiased contract between husband and wife respectively that can ensure perfect peace, joy and harmony of their Christian home.

-          M.O. S ( REV.)

 Saturday, 20^th October, 1979.

FROM THE ARCHIVES: I WILL LOVE AND YOU WILL OBEY - PART 2

LOVE from me – husband:

Invariably every marriage starts from this idea expressed either verbally or through action by the man. He goes to the young lady with various methods of expressing himself. ‘I love you.’ Those three words are very important to maintain the joy within the Christian home. The initiative for love usually, and should continually come from the husband. He started the whole business with ‘love’ and must be prepared to maintain it with ‘love’ no matter what happens. He should always remember the pledge, ‘for better, for worse.’ The idea of love when things are smooth, easy and nice is normal and would happen among pagans and members of other sects or religions. But when things become tough, uneasy or perhaps disagreements or disobedience has set in within marriage, the idea of love can then be tested. This love is the ‘Agape’ love.

The love expected from the husband has been qualified in a way that makes it very difficult and trying. It says ‘you must love, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her.’ It simply means that there is no earthly sacrifice that a husband can give to his wife that can be too much. There is no doubt about the fact that such sincere love can not be easy in human strength. It is the love of Christ in the husband that can make it possible. Paul has described love in its entirety within the thirteen verses of first Corinthian Chapter 13. It is possible to bring out at least nine attributes of love in this chapter and when a husband can aim at these to live by that standard, the true joy that love brings will be in their home. One practical illustration before discussing the nine points. There would be occasions when your wife would annoy you, though unintentionally, and your anger would normally want to take you out of the home; it is during such a time that you need to express verbally or practically those three words, ‘I love you.’! Try it and watch anger melt in the warmth of love. It is really when such love is expressed that one’s partner knows she has a trusted husband and would continue to express sincere obedience.

FROM THE ARCHIVES: I WILL LOVE AND YOU WILL OBEY - PART 1

Part of the introduction to the book of HOSEA in Good News Bible reads:

The prophet Hosea preached in the Northern kingdom of Israel... during the troubled times before the fall of Samaria in 721 B.C... Hosea boldly pictured the faithfulness in terms of his own disastrous marriage to an unfaithful woman. Just as his wife Gomer turned out to be unfaithful to him, so God’s people had deserted the Lord ...Yet in the end God’s constant LOVE for His people will prevail and He would win the nation back to Himself and restore the relationship. This love is expressed in chapter 11:8, ‘How can I give up Israel? How can I abandon you...My heart will not let me do it! My love for you is strong.

The word love has lost its meaning in the modern world. Biblically, it is represented in two ways: ‘agape’ love and ‘Erotic’ love. It is necessary to define the topic in the light of what the Bible expects of God’s children.

Love is expected from both members of the Christian marriage. In fact, Christ’s last commandment in John 13: 34, 35 declares: “A new commandment give I unto you that you love one another as I have loved you. By this shall all men know that you are my disciples. It is crystal clear that the Lord expects all Christians to love one another ‘as Christ loved the Church.’ It is however true that the greater responsibility is given to the man when it comes to the issue of marriage. This is real love or ‘Agape ‘ love.

            Erotic love describes physical love or sexual relationship. It must be stressed that there is no biblical ground or moral ground with which anybody can justify sex outside marriage. God’s word calls it SIN and 1 Corinthians 6: 9, 10 names it as one of the sins that will prevent anybody (caught in it) from going to heaven.

Obedience: The idea of the obedience from the wife to the husband is described by Paul in Ephesians 5:22 ‘Wife submit yourselves unto your husbands as unto the Lord.’ I propose that this will include both husband and wife. The idea of obedience rather than just a direct obedience to one’s husband should be seen as obedience unto the Lord. The idea of Women liberation is both foreign to the Christian as well as the Scriptures. I don’t believe any Christian woman has either been in bondage or social prison to warrant liberation. John 8:36: ‘If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.’ Every Christian, husband or wife is abundantly FREE in the Lord.

OBEDIENCE in the Home:   ‘Obedience is better than sacrifice’ declares the Scriptures. Most Christian wives will easily find that this is true when the Lord governs the home. It will be a matter of obeying the husband or submitting to him as the church is subject unto Christ. Let us take a simple example within the Church. The idea of sexual sin or fornication or adultery has become common sin in the community from the beginning of the age. Both are attractive to the flesh and anybody outside Christ will find it unreasonable to legislate against sex outside marriage. But a child of God sees it as a command from God and through God’s grace he or she has to obey.

            A Christian wife is expected to obey her husband in all things but because of love that exists between them she should be free to express disapproval on some issues but be prepared to carry out the orders. In most cases the problem is created simply because she does not see the issue in the same light as the husband sees it. Psychologists have claimed that in some cases women act under the influence of ‘intuition’ while the man has a mind that critically analyses the issues. On few occasions such basic differences in reasoning lead to disagreement. Just as a student may not agree with school rules and regulations or a citizen with the laws that bind him, yet it is profitable for both the student and the citizen to obey these rules. Such actions pay good dividends when the rules are obeyed. It is always real joy for the Christian wife when she sincerely obeys her husband.

            The issue of obedience by the wife brings about greater responsibility from the husband. Outside the Christian faith, such obedience may lead to servitude, but within Christ’s family, sincere obedience from the wife brings about greater trust and this leads to deeper love. I believe, just as a father will always show greater love and interest towards an obedient son, so also will a normal husband show greater love and trust for the wife.

            Obedience in all things can be a problem but it is necessary to clarify one important area of obedience within marriage. It is in relationship with sexual relationships. Paul did not miss words in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. [It clearly teaches that both husband and wife should not deny one another the joy of sexual relationship except when they have both agreed to pray and fast.] The reason given is that they should not expose themselves to the temptation of immorality. It is given as the second reason why marriage was ordained in the Anglican order of marriage service: “Secondly it was ordained for a remedy against sin and to avoid fornication; that such persons as have not the gift of continency might marry and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ’s body.” Paul ends up with the same reason. Disagreement on sexual desires from either member of the marriage can lead to trouble. It is usual that because of some physiological changes in the wife, there are periods in the month when her desire for sex is almost nil. It is necessary for the wife to thoroughly discuss this with her husband and both should agree on what to do on such occasions. There may be other occasions when some other reasons may prevent sexual relationships; for example a wife has an injury or boil that will make sexual relationship impossible. It is important that she discusses such with her husband early and should not wait to give the excuse when the husband makes advances. Obedience from the wife in social issues like regular meals, at the right time , in the right way or the way he wants the sitting room or bedroom to look like as well as other ‘rules’ within the home should be pursued vigorously with prayers and confidence in God. The obvious wages of obedience is LOVE from the husband.