HOW CAN I PREVENT PRE-MARITAL SEX?

•          Don’t think it is fashionable to have girl-friends in secondary school when you are not matured or responsible enough to keep a home.
•         Don’t make a habit of staying alone in the room with your girl-friend or boy-friend.
•     Watch the company you keep.  Bad character corrupts good manners.
•        Watch what you see. Avoid blue films and pornographic pictures on your cell phones.
•         Watch what you read especially in magazines, books and on the internet.
•     Watch where you go such as club houses, night parties and disco. They are not healthy for you.
•      Watch what you drink. Do not give yourself to alcoholic drinks and drugs such as marijuana, cocaine etc.
•     Have self-control. Accept Jesus Christ into your life as your personal Lord and Savior. He is the only one that can give you the fruit of the Spirit wherein is self-control, and will make you pure in heart.

DANGERS OF PRE-MARITAL SEX FOR BOYS-PART THREE

Spiritual dangers

1)      The danger of Soul-ties:  Sex is not only a physical activity, it is a spiritual activity as well. That is why God says, the husband shall be joined to the wife and they will be one flesh. They are no longer two but one.  The lady becomes your soul partner. If you decide to have sex with several partners, (girls), how many soul partners do you want to have? Into how many ways do you want to distribute yourself.

2)      Truncated destiny/stolen glory: Many or some girls are possessed with water spirits and other demons. Having sex with them can rob you of your glory. It can abort your destiny. Many men have become unsuccessful and directionless in life because their glory has been stolen as a youth through pre-marital sex with such evil possessed girls.

3)      Inability to keep a home: Some men have been unable to keep homes because such demon possessed girls cause quarrels, fights and lack of understanding between them and their wives. Water spirits are particularly jealous spirits.

4)      Inability to be fruitful: Such demons may even prevent pregnancies in the man’s marriage.

SECONDARY ABSTINENCE

Question: What of if out of ignorance a girl or a boy has been involved in pre-marital sex before this Enlightenment seminar?

Answer: There is still hope. Such a girl or a boy should pray to God by confessing the sin of immorality he or she had been engaged in and ask God for forgiveness, then make a vow to God that he or she will not engage in pre-marital sex again. He or she should ask God for the grace to keep oneself pure. Having been exposed to all the dangers, he or she should be very serious with the decision, for the sake of his/her future and a desire to please one’s creator.  

DANGERS OF PRE-MARITAL SEX FOR BOYS- PART TWO

Physical/Emotional/Psychological dangers

(1) There is the danger of being affected by diseases. There are sexually transmitted diseases like Gonorrhoea, Syphilis and even HIV/AIDS. The makers of condom even advertise that it is not 100% proof security. Abstinence is still the best way to prevent  or avoid infection. These STDs can lead to infertility even in males. The boy may develop low sperm count or weak sperm.

(2) The unwanted pregnancy which resulted from his sin of fornication can also abort the boy’s dream or destiny. Unprepared for parenthood can be forced on him.

(3)  Lack of concentration on the boys’ studies. There is no way you would not be thinking about your girlfriend even in the classroom. The time you are supposed to read you will be thinking of your next escapade or the one you had last.

(4)  Pre-marital sex can even lead the boy to steal so as to please the partner or to woo her.

(5) Your physical beauty or handsomeness wanes or deteriorates because of your sexual activities.

(6) Guilt: You will be consumed by guilt. Guilty feelings will not allow you to have peace of mind, and when you lack peace you will not be able to focus on your studies.

(7) Pre-marital sex will lead to loss of love and trust between you and your girl-friend. What you think you are expressing during such acts is not love but lust. After sometime you get fed up with her, you don’t trust her again and you start looking for new catches, i.e new girls to waste their future for them.

(8) Another effect is inability to keep your marriage when you eventually get married, because you have been joined to very many girls. 

So, Be careful with your Life!

DANGERS OF PRE-MARITAL SEX FOR BOYS-PART ONE

Boys usually think pre-marital sex is fun and Conquest (I have conquered her) because they do not and can not  get pregnant like the girls. They feel that since they can not get pregnant they are not at the receiving end, they can therefore sow their ‘wild oats.’ However, unwanted pregnancy is not the only danger that can occur from pre-marital sex. There are both physical and spiritual dangers. There are even emotional and psychological dangers. The unwanted pregnancy they think does not affect them can and even has a myriad of boomerang effects on them in future.

DANGERS OF PRE- MARITAL-SEX: PART 3

Another danger has to do with contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) e.g. Gonorrhoea, Syphillis, HIV/AIDS etc.Such diseases may lead to permanent damages or even death as in the case of HIV/AIDS.

            If a girl gets pregnant and has a child as a secondary school student for instance, the chance to marry a responsible young man in future becomes slim. Everybody will be calling her “after One” meaning she already has one child and some men are discouraged from asking for her hand in marriage. 

            Also a child that is born out of wedlock is called a bastard, and the future husband may not allow the child to come into the family. The child may grow up full of bitterness and may turn out to become a street boy living under the bridge. In extreme cases the boy may attempt to kill the mother, because he feels frustrated, and the question on his mind may be, “Why did you bring me to the world when you know you will not take care of me?” So be warned!

DANGERS OF PRE-MARITAL SEX: PART 2

Some girls after getting pregnant will opt for abortion i.e. removal of the baby in the womb(foetus) by a fake doctor or even in some recognized hospitals. Some girls who attempted abortion died in the process, while others who thought that the abortion was successful found out later in life to their chagrin that it was not successful after all. When they became married women, they found out that they could not conceive again because of the damage that was already caused to their reproductive organs (i.e. the womb) as a result of the abortion that took place several years before then, which sometimes led to complete removal of the womb. Others were subjected to frequent miscarriages. They found out that if the abortion they had was in the third month of the pregnancy, they were losing their pregnancies at that exact month even after they were married. So Be Warned!

            If a girl jumps from one boy to the other, she will find out later in life that she can not truly love her husband, because she has distributed several parts of herself to different men, this is what is called soul-ties. The marriage may end up in a divorce. It will take prayer of deliverance to be free from such bondage. Why must you destroy your beautiful future with momentary pleasures of sin? Don’t allow any boy or man have sex with you until you get married, whenever you make yourself cheap, the boys play with you and dumps you, and what is the result? Your heart breaks. A broken heart can not be mended easily. There has been cases of girls and ladies who experienced broken relationships and unfortunately they developed mental crises. If you have kept yourself pure, if you have refused to have sex with any boy before wedding, if he decides to call off the relationship, the pain of separation may be less because you never allowed him to have sex with you. Please protect your future.

DANGERS OF PRE-MARITAL SEX -PART 1

Pre-marital sex may lead to pregnancy or may not lead to pregnancy. If you become pregnant, you will have to discontinue your studies. If you have parents who are lenient, they may send you back to school after you might have delivered the baby, and you are strong enough to resume school. Some schools may not even feel comfortable to absorb you back. Also returning to the same school may not help your psyche. Fellow students will laugh at you and call you names- Eh! iyawo Thaddeus, or mama bomboi etc. so you may not be able to cope with the embarrassment. This may eventually truncate your education, whereas the boy that has put you in the family way will be gallivanting around, before you know it, he will pick on another innocent girl and fool her with similar deceptive words he used on the previous girl. Be wise! 

DANGERS OF PRE-MARITAL SEX: INTRODUCTION

Many girls had been deceived by boys. They had told them all kinds of lies such as: You are the apple of my eyes; the sugar in my tea; the butterfly in my stomach etc. When  girls hear such lies their heads become swollen and they feel they are the most important girls in the lives of such boys. It is a lie, the truth of the matter is that, the boys have said the same words or even sweeter ones to thousand and one girls i.e several other girls have been deceived the same way. The moment a girl allows a boy to see her pant and chops your pie (i.e. disvirgin or deflower her) the boy sees the girl as a useless girl and treats her like thrash. What do you do to thrash? Dirty things? They are thrown away. Exactly that’s what the boys do. Worse still, he will go and tell his friends, “O boy, you see that chik (girl) I have been there, go and try your luck.” Before long you become a football that boys play around.

6Cs TO MARRIAGE CONFLICTS RESOLUTION:COMMITMENT

COMMITMENT: Intimate relationship is built upon mutual trust. One partner believing that the other partner will not betray him or her. If one takes cognizance of this fact, it is possible to build a healthy relationship, but every concerned party must work at it to make it a success.

 Somebody once said, "Marriage is like a voyage on the sea." If the ship develops any problem, it will be madness for anyone to think of jumping out of the ship into the sea, because he or he may never live to tell the story. it is safer to stay on board, because there may be no shipwreck at the end of the day. And he asks, "Why is it so easy for some people to 'jump out' of their marriage once there is little misunderstanding or problem?" Lack of commitment I suppose! A married couple must be determined that this marriage must work, whether the devil likes it or not. Efforts must be put into actually understanding your partner. There is an African adage that says, ‘Say what you mean and mean what you say.’ The secret to success is BE OPEN TO EACH OTHER. Do not have a hidden agenda when you are discussing, say it the right way. Be humble enough to say "I am sorry" whenever your spouse feels offended by your actions. A man or a woman who enters into a marriage relationship with a faulty vow made before the altar of God, "For better to stay, for worse to leave," such might be drumming his or her doom already. I believe in positive confession but I also believe in reality. Life is full of challenges! Take it or leave it! A faulty foundation will eventually lead to a cracked wall if not a complete demolition of the house, therefore, couples must enter into an unwritten oath of Commitment, saying, We shall be together until death separates us, God helping me.

6C's TO CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN MARRIAGE:COMMUNICATION

COMMUNICATION: Spouses should always communicate and learn to express their feelings.

Most times conflicts erupt in a marriage relationship basically due to communication problems. Positive form of communication would attract good and successful relationship, while negative communication can result into a disintegration of relationship. At times human beings draw their conclusions by whatever interpretations are attached to words that are spoken or actions that are displayed. Unfortunately some of the interpretations are sometimes wrong because they are based on  false premises.  Do not save “Emotional Trading Stamps” (i.e. cataloguing all his/her mistakes in your imagination). Learn to express yourself.

“Communication is often hard work.” When a couple is engaged in a discussion, the wife expects the husband (or vice versa) to listen to the points being raised and respond appropriately but often they get disappointed when the feedback that is received is not in consonance with the message that was sent. It must be noted that feedback is largely dependent on the listening ability of the receiver. Therefore, the key to effective communication is attentive listening.

HINTS:

Communication is HARD WORK. It is a process that involves Talking, Listening and Understanding; Communication is more than talking; Listening is very essential in building strong lines of communication in a marriage. And it takes effort. Whenever one partner is talking the other partner should exercise patience to listen to all that he/she wants to say. One knotty issue in communication is making yourself understood. More often than not, ‘one partner tries to second guess the other.’ It is an assumption most of the times to think that you know the end of what the other fellow is saying, unfortunately by the time he/she is interrupted a lot of facts get muddled up. “But when husband and wife start to listen to one another an amazing thing happens: they start to feel understood by each other.’’ (NormanWright 1974, 61). Do Make conscious effort to improve your communication skills.