RESOLVING THE TREND OF DIVORCE IN OUR SOCIETY PART 1

 INTRODUCTION

Sometimes in the year 2020, during the Corona Virus pandemic, a lot of Ministries/Churches resulted in online programmes since it became impossible for people to assemble in their Churches and Fellowship halls. As Joyful Callers Counselling Ministry, the Lord laid it on our hearts to run online teaching, so we came up with a WhatsApp teaching group tagged “Free Counselling Class.” We had fifty-three registered participants from six countries, which was quite encouraging. Cross-fertilization of ideas from different worldviews also added value to our discussions to the glory of God. Different topics were discussed over a period of six weeks (Wednesday evenings only). One of the issues we dealt with was the issue of divorce. This was a big concern to us seeing the increasing rate of divorce in our societies. We were not just interested in discussing various factors that are responsible for divorce, rather we are more interested in suggesting ways of combating this menace so that we can all enjoy a more stable family life where our children can be brought up in the way of the Lord, and grow up to become responsible citizens of our beloved countries.

 

Therefore, I asked the participants on the platform to share with us their own resolutions on how to reduce the menace of divorce in our societies. The edited responses are hereby presented.

  

Mrs. A. A opined, “By the grace of God, my resolution is to put more efforts into what I am currently doing in the area of Christian Parenting in the 21st Century (WhatsApp platform). I believe that the decadence of our society streams from homes. Therefore the home front needs healing. The home front needs fixing. We need to go back to our first love where Christ is modeled before the children, as the head of the home.”

 

Another person states thus: Children are silent observers to their parents' marriages. Opinions and mindsets are formed early, often strongholds are formed in their subconscious young minds that ultimately deeply influence their own attitudes to the institution of marriage. It, therefore, comes as no surprise that a son who grew up seeing his father beat up his mother, often replicates the same abuse in his marriage, but for the grace of God. A daughter who watched her father unleash various forms of domestic abuse upon her mother may be completely turned off towards the institution of marriage, because why would she want to suffer a similar fate? Such reasons have been implicated in late marriages, marital problems and consequent divorce.

 

I believe strongly that, “there is a place of personal responsibility in marital harmony and success. A married couple should also be continually aware of this fact, that their attitudes and actions in their marriage are a constant lesson to their children and impressionable young minds in their sphere of influence and thus, strive to set a good example. To stem the tide of divorce in society, the change must begin within. – Dr. O.O
Some others believe that Forgiveness helps to keep us in the right direction with the Holy Spirit, and gives us a peaceful mind. Also when God sees our willingness to forgive, He helps us further without much effort on our side. Unfortunately, we are not willing to take the pain to forgive at times because we don’t fully understand the good that comes from forgiveness. Forgiveness is a strong foothold for the Holy Spirit to do wonders. Forgiveness brings healing and it repairs our relationship with God and with one another. It brings a refreshing to the soul. Therefore, a godly way to resolve divorce is for couples to embrace the virtue of FORGIVENESS. Forgive your partner as God forgives you.   Mummy O. O. presents her own views in the following words:

1. Parental care and teaching of moral values, cultural values, and most importantly Godly values from the Bible must be taken seriously.

2. Teaching the young ones before marriageable age the value and permanence of marriage. This is very important because we are in an age where singles (male and female) see a marriage relationship as one that can be dissolved at will. If it works, fine, if it doesn’t work we call it quits. Any couple that enters into a marriage relationship with such a bias may likely not endure, and adjustment will almost be at zero levels. We need to teach our children that marriage is God’s idea, not man’s, and He meant for it to be permanent, only death is allowed to separate the couple.

3. Praying through for the deliverance of homes and stoppage to activities of home enemies through the blood of Jesus.

4. Organising Counselling and teaching sessions for couples as regards God’s word concerning marriages and keeping the homes secure will also help.

5. Discipleship sessions for converts after they might have experienced the salvation of their souls will help people to value God’s word in all circumstances of life..

6. Living an exemplary Godly life worthy of emulation will equally help.

 

In adding her own voice to this all-important, life-saving discussion, Mummy Y. M, wrote, “As an individual, who is in the Marriage Counselling committee of my local assembly, I have resolved to continuously counsel intending couples never to consider divorce as an option and to let them know about all the people that will be affected negatively if there is a divorce in a home.” This is a very healthy step to take because many people only think about their own selfish desire to have their way at all cost, forgetting that many people are tied to their lives. For instance, what becomes of the children after a divorce case? What about the mental health of the partner who never anticipated such disruption to his or her life’s journey? People must learn to sit back and think meditatively on the word of God in Malachi 2: 16, “… For the LORD of Israel says that He hates divorce.”

 

Mrs. Y. Y. B’s resolve is this, “to advise intending couples to be friends first before marriage. This will help them overcome issues like communication gaps which open the door to several other problems. If there is genuine communication and bonding, divorce will not come to play.” Mrs. A.A. asserts, “I am trusting God to help my children and all other people that God is sending to me, to get it right before marriage, to go for pre-marital counselling, and to take it seriously.” A pastor who is serving in a Franco-phone context puts it this way, “In the culture where I am, marriage is a contract and not a covenant. So the issue of divorce is not an issue with them at all.” There are certain foundations laid that do not allow marriage to take place at all, if eventually it does, divorce is at the corner if the couples do not pray very well. So we need to tackle divorce spiritually than physically. Also, courtship before marriage is very important, and during courtship, there should be no sex. Once a would-be couple is involved in sex it is a sin against God, and it covers errors. A faulty foundation that is! It is advisable that the couple should be attending Marriage seminars together so that they can learn how to please God in their homes. That will help a lot to curb this menace. – Pastor E.U.J

 

MOTHER, BE GENTLE ON YOUR GIRL-CHILD!

                   
Most mothers are highly protective of their daughters. The reason is obvious. They are conscious of the fact that female children are fragile, and they need to handle them with care. Many of us have heard many ugly stories of how some girls were raped by boys, who sometimes were their school mates or close relations such as uncles, cousins et cetera, and how some shameless men had abused young girls in time past. All such stories can create fear in the heart of mothers because every mother wants the best things in life to happen to her girl-child.
In order to prevent their daughters from men who may want to take undue advantage of them, some mothers turn out to be very tough on their daughters. It’s good to exercise discipline, but let it be motivated by love. Be a friend to your girl child, and in fact become her best friend. I was in a cab one day and I overheard a woman telling her friend that, "I told my daughter, I am not your friend, I am your mother." Well, I guess she had her reasons for saying that, but I am afraid, she may lose the confidence of that daughter. She may never open up to her mother even while in crisis. psychologically, she has been injured by that statement.

Some Christian mothers think that once they conduct morning devotions as a family, go for church services with the children, automatically the children should embrace Jesus as Lord and Saviour. Sorry, it is not always so. Prayerfully and personally introduce your child to Jesus Christ, the Saviour. Some of the children even follow you to church just to satisfy you and be free of your many questions. Have you cared to find out what they do in church?

During a Sunday service, a teenage girl sat next to me and was very busy on her phone. Sometimes, one assumes that the fellow may be reading the bible using the phone, but that day I noticed that she was actually chatting. I then asked her what she was doing and like an innocent child she said, “I am chatting with my brother.” I asked her further, “Where is he?” and she replied, “He is overseas.” I was careful not to be hard on her, but I simply warned her that we are in the presence of God, so she should stop chatting. Thank God she listened to an elder’s warning. She stopped and said, “Thank you ma.” Some others could be chatting with some boys who could easily deceive them into nefarious activities.
Mother, give your daughter more time. Talk as friends, do a lot of gists together, laugh together, tell her life stories about yourself and others. Tell her about life and how wicked it can be sometimes, and as she listens to you, encourage her to ask you questions, and gently provide her with helpful answers. Allow her to share her thoughts and fears with you. In fact let her be aware that some bad fathers had abused their daughters, and some even impregnated their own daughters. Recently on social media, a woman was heart-broken as she found out that her two daughters were impregnated by her son, who is their own brother. What a sad story!

Mother, be the first person to teach your daughter about sex education. Don’t wait until she learns the wrong things from outsiders. Teach her about human anatomy, and instil confidence in her to resist any careless touch of any part of her body by the opposite sex. When she is still young, between ages 2 and 6 or thereabout, tell her not to sit on the laps of boys and men, and encourage her to report to you any male that tries to force her into doing that. You know the danger as an adult, but she doesn’t know, please protect her.
Remember, dear  Mother, in trying to train this precious gift of God, be gentle and be loving. If she cannot discern love through your actions, she can turn rebellious once she leaves the confines of your home and may decide to go against all your orders. This is why it is very important to pray to God to save the lives of these young ones. May God help all mothers to be godly examples to their children. Amen.

BE CAUTIOUS ABOUT CROSS-CULTURAL COUNSELLING!

In discussing this topic, I will be sharing some case studies across cultures so as to prepare us to be culturally sensitive, BUT BE BIBLICALLY RELEVANT. We need to understand where people are coming from and what is obtainable in their cultures for us to have meaningful counselling sessions with them, or else we shall be guilty of judging other people’s cultures and that may be counter- productive. People come from different places, and cultures vary from place to place. For instance, in a particular East African country, it is not strange for a single unmarried lady to invite a single unmarried man to a restaurant for a lunch break. She will pay for the food and they will keep chatting. It depends on her, that may happen one or more times, but at a time she chooses, she can just slip a piece of paper into the man’s hand telling him about her intention, and requesting for a meaningful relationship. It is culturally acceptable.

In some other cultures people will look at such practice with disdain. One will hear comments such as, Why must a lady be the first to ask the man for friendship? She is making herself too cheap or is she frustrated? The culturally acceptable way is for the man to be the one to ask the lady for her hand in marriage. That’s another cultural perspective.

In some parts of India, in the continent of Asia, there’s what is called an “arranged marriage,” whereby the parents will be the one to search for a suitable man for their female child and the couple-to-be will only meet each other on the wedding day. No courtship. The wife is the one to pay the dowry to the husband, whereas in some other cultures, when a man matures and desires to marry, he will be the one to search for a lady to marry, and  the man will be the one to pay the bride-price to the wife’s family. The latter is very common in many parts of Africa.

Yet, among a particular tribe in the Northern part of Nigeria, in the continent of Africa, it is cultural for the parents of the lady to buy many items that she will carry to the husband’s house. This includes but not limited to, bed and mattress; refrigerator, Gas cooker and gas cylinder, plates, and cutlery sets; wrappers et cetera. If you are not from such a culture, you will likely ask the question, “So what then is the man supposed to buy if the wife is expected to furnish the house? That’s the culture! Most times the husband already possesses all those stuff in his house.

What is the essence of all these case studies and many more that you will come across? This is to help us understand the fact that people are from different places, and worldviews are not the same. This understanding will help us to know that as counsellors, we shall be faced with cases that will make us marvel, or a little bit confused sometimes. This is why we need the help of the Holy Spirit as we try to help others manage their issues of life. We must be conscious of the word of God, and we must equally be prayerful as people open up their hearts during Counselling sessions. It is important to seek to understand the counsellee’s cultural perspective and what he or she understands with regard to God’s position concerning his/her matter.

For example, there’s a tribe (name withheld) where it is culturally acceptable to fornicate, but adultery is forbidden once a person is married. In fact, a single girl is expected to have one or two children before she can be considered suitable for any suitor. You raised your eyebrow I guess! Yes, that is the culture! Once she has a child or two, it is believed that she is fertile and will surely produce children by the time she is married. The truth remains that this is against the word of God. Fornication is a sin. God will judge fornicators and adulterers. (Hebrews 13:4). We should be bold enough to declare the truth, in love. It is a myth that if a single girl gives birth, it is certain that she will be productive as a married woman. It is God that gives children to people. A Christian counsellor must be versed in the word of God, be able to interprete the scriptures correctly, and apply God’s word appropriately. May the Lord help us with this noble assignment. Amen.

WHY DO YOU GET OFFENDED WHEN “A FRIEND” WALKS OUT OF YOUR LIFE?

 God is our creator and He had a relationship with the first man, Adam, and later with Eve. In Genesis 3: 9, “Then the LORD God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?” To me, that’s a language of love and friendship in many circles, but at God’s appearance, Adam was hiding this time around. Why? He was hiding because of his sin of disobedience to God’s command.

As people rightly claim, Christianity is not a religion, but a personal relationship with God, through the Lord Jesus Christ. Our father in heaven is the author of relationship and as His children, we too long for relationships always. So we cannot blame anyone for desiring to have a relationship with other people. Unfortunately, many of us feel disappointed when the people we call our friends try to walk away from our lives for reasons best known to them. My question is, Why do you feel offended? I think you feel offended when you reflect on the things you have done to assist that fellow, or what that friendship has cost you over time, such as money, time, and resources. Maybe some secrets shared in confidence et cetera. Who owns your time, money, and resources? It is God! So release those pains from your heart.

I think we should learn to accept people as they are. We need to realize that God brings people into our lives at different seasons of life, for different reasons. Our acknowledgement of that truth will free us from undue stress. What I am sharing with you here has helped me greatly. By the grace of God upon my life, I love relating with people. Even when I meet people for the very first time in some instances, they just open their hearts as it were to me, and we will begin to discuss deep issues of life. Personally, I am awed at the way God does it and upon reflection, I have asked myself, “Why did this person pour out his or her mind this way? I realize that it is not about me, it is about the great God that I am representing here on earth.

Some of the friends you meet will be available for some time and suddenly you notice that one or two of them is seemingly tired of your usual concern. When you even try to put a call across to her/him, she/he does not like picking your calls again, and when you send short messages to her/his phone, it is either you receive no reply or she/he manages to drop two or three words. Initially, you want to make an excuse for her, “Oh, maybe she is very busy, or maybe she is stressed.” Beloved, why not watch the handwriting on the wall? She/he needs her/his space, please allow her/him to go. Remember, there was no misunderstanding between you, it’s just that she/he just switched off, please release her/him to enjoy her/his freedom. Maybe if she/he needs you at another season of her/his life, she/he may reconnect, and in that case, gladly receive her/him, provided you are still available.

I love the the way a friend describes it in her book, *the three levels of relationships – the Leaves relationship; the Stems relationship and the Roots relationship. Some people breeze in and breeze out, (Leaves); Some move into your life just to fulfill God-assigned tasks and they are gone forever (the Stems), while some become part of your life in summer and in winter, in joy and in sorrow (the Roots).

(*Grace Olanike Ijaopo, 2019. A Flourishing Life: 60 keystones to living in abundance. Help-Line Foundation International, Ibadan, Nigeria.)

Prayerfully identify the kind of friends God is bringing your way. A clear understanding of this write-up should free you from some of those pains and guilt feelings. You don’t have to offend people before they move away from you, they may not be designed to be there for life. Only Jesus can be with you forever. If any offence is involved, then settle it and forgive each other. A misunderstanding of the three levels of relationships can make you lose a true friend that God is sending your way, I mean if a “Leave friend” has left you and you get so bitter, and you then generalize that all friends are like that, when the “Root friend” is brought your way, your mind may not be clear enough to welcome the person. Friend, in all things, give thanks.

N.B. Please contact us at Joyful Callers Counselling Ministry for your questions, comments and Counselling needs @ WhatsApp +(234) 813-814-3021  or send an email to joyfulcallers@gmail.com. 

                        

                                         JESUS CHRIST HEALS!

HUMILITY IS PRICELESS

Two Case studies briefly:

One day, I attended a church convention, where some guest ministers have been invited. Just before the sermon delivery on this particular day, there was a Music ministration by one of the prominent gospel artists in the country. It was such a powerful ministration that the atmosphere of the church was well charged, and we felt the presence of God no doubt. Personally, I felt that the meeting of that day had reached its zenith and that we should just close the meeting in prayers. But remember, I was not in charge. The Church pastor invited the guest speaker to mount the pulpit in order to deliver God’s word to the people. The preacher in question did not consider the fact that he came from another city so as to preach in that convention, he recognized the move of God among His people. In a few words, he acknowledged that indeed God has blessed His people that night, and he led the congregation in a closing prayer. You may want to ask, “What happened to the sermon already prepared by him for the occasion?” In my own understanding, he handed it over to God in all humility. I can imagine what went on in his mind that day. Could it be something like this? “God, you have done your work here tonight. I worship you, Lord!”

The second case study: I was invited to minister at a church in Lagos, and we had a discussion on “Cross-cultural principles to marital success.” I was given about 30 minutes to do that, after which the general overseer was to come up to preach his Sunday sermon. That’s ok. I tried to keep to time as my usual practice, but when the leader assessed the level of interaction of the church members he extended the time. After I completed my God-given assignment, I stepped down from the pulpit, for the general overseer. To my surprise, the man of God told the members that it was obvious that the Lord has spoken to all of us already, and there was no need for any other sermon. He then prayed, after which he intimated the members with the announcements.

These case studies are to draw our attention to the height of humility that was displayed by the two servants of God that were affected. My question is this? If you happen to find yourself in the shoes of any of those Church leaders, will you respond the same way or will you insist that you must still preach your own sermon for the day? Well, if God leads you to go ahead to preach after such powerful presence of His, it is not a sin, but be sure He is the one leading you to do it, and not your flesh. May the Lord clothe us with His humility, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

A CALL TO HOLINESS: KEEP YOURSELF PURE - PART II (for married men and women)

“A woman confessed to her husband one day that all the four children in the family actually belong to another man...” She claimed to have become a born again Christian and she couldn’t continue with the feelings of guilt.” Ah! Adultery! Woman! Very sad story, but true!

Mr. Man, how will you feel if your wife finds out that you are having “an affair” with another woman?

Madam, will your husband shake your hand and congratulate you if he finds out that you are in an intimate relationship with another man?

I believe your guess is as good as mine. You will be full of rage (a fit of intense anger); disappointment, confusion, a lot of unanswered questions. Well, the list is endless. This may degenerate into verbal abuse, fighting and injuring your partner, and in an extreme case it can lead to divorce.

Yet, we hear and read ugly stories about married men and women who are having “affairs” Let’s address it the Bible way, they are living in adultery. It doesn’t matter whether you are into a physical sexual affair, an emotional affair, or a virtual one (social media stuff). As far as God is concerned, Adultery is SIN. No excuses. It is clearly written in God’s word, “You shall not commit adultery.”(Exodus. 20:14). It is explained further in the gospel of Matthew, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (5: 27-28). Ah! Is it that serious? Yes, it is a very serious matter. Maybe you need to read what Jesus said in the gospel of Mark, chapter 10, verses 11 and 12, “So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”  

 People of God, let us fear God. Some people are afraid of sexually transmitted diseases, but they do not fear God, and that informed their sinful lifestyles. The infections can be treated no doubt, but sin will send you to hellfire. FLEE! Let’s conclude by reminding ourselves that “The fear of LORD is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do His commandments. His praise endures forever.” (Psalms 111:10)

THE IMPORTANCE OF PROFESSIONAL CHRISTIAN COUNSELLORS

The word of God says, “Where no counsel is, the people fall (perish): but “in the multitude of Counsellors, there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14 KJV).

Several years ago, I attended a wedding ceremony at a Church. The officiating clergy admonished the couple on what it takes to enjoy a Christian home, and in addition, he advised them that they should not encourage the third party in their marriage. He said further, “Don’t allow or encourage those people, the olofofo, (busybodies) called counsellors to interfere in your marriage. To an extent that was good pastoral advice, but personally, I felt very hurt as a practising Counsellor because I found it highly derogatory to have referred to counsellors as “busybodies.” In my mind, I said “Lord, this pastor is not helping this couple. As much as I do not support the idea of bringing in the third party into the marriage, the fact still remains that this newly wedded couple will need help along the way. This is a journey they have not passed through before, so if there is any need for them to seek help from a counsellor or anybody they feel led to talk to, I believe that they should be encouraged, and not discouraged.

It is unfortunate that some people have wrong notions about the counselling ministry. They think counsellors are busybodies, but as time goes by they will acknowledge the fact that counsellors are needed in our society. There are no specific books in Bookshops that teach couples how to relate with each other at each moment of life. For example, how to greet your spouse when you wake up, how to feed your partner, how to please your husband et cetera. Most of those things are culturally based, therefore, if the need arises to seek help from professionals, I believe they should be encouraged. These are end times, many homes are facing economic distress, emotional and even spiritual problems. Many homes are being destroyed by the powers of darkness, and Christian couples must be spiritually alert. I heard a true story of a pastor who told his wife on a particular day that, “I just feel like beating you, yet you did not offend me.” What interpretation will you provide for such? It is an aberration!

Where there are healthy families, there will be a healthy nation. Unfortunately, many homes are going through turbulent times. The statistics of couples filing for divorce in courts is skyrocketing, while others who want to be modest opt for separation. In the year 2020, it was reported that at a particular court in a city in Nigeria, there are about 4,000 divorce cases still pending. Isn’t that heartbreaking? That is just from one court. What is the statistics from other courts in the land? What do you think will happen to the future of the children who are from such homes? They will inevitably be affected adversely. Let’s ask the question, How many of such people had a heart-to-heart discussion with their spiritual leaders or professional counsellors before rushing to the court? Some of them might have been brain-washed that they should not get any third party involved, others might be reacting as a result of what their parents had suffered in their marriages, and the children are now telling themselves, “No, not again! My mother suffered domestic violence, I cannot stomach this non-sense! But they forget that God created us as individuals and we should be responsible for our lives. Domestic violence is on the increase! Men beating their wives and vice versa. This is evidence that society is truly decaying.

In Exodus 18:13-26, the man Jethro had to call Moses’ attention to the necessity of getting more hands to help him in handling the matters that the Israelites were bringing to him. In essence, there was a need for more counsellors if not, Moses would suffer burnout. In the same vein, we need more counsellors to move to the stage.

Nobody can counsel effectively without the help of “The Counsellor,” that is The Holy Spirit. We must learn to communicate with Him and seek His directions as we talk with people because He only can truly solve those problems. In the world, many people are aching and many are broken-hearted. One day, a lady called me on the telephone and we conversed for some time. Initially, I didn’t like the idea, and I encouraged her to come to the counselling office so that we could discuss extensively. On her part, she didn’t want face- to- face interaction, but after some telephone discussion, she agreed that she would come to the office. Unfortunately, she disregarded the two appointments that she booked. The Holy Spirit then helped me to realize that there was a need for a paradigm shift. All clients may not show up in the office, just take advantage as the case presents itself, so I followed her up with text messages, and sending relevant bible passages to help her.

As human beings we operate from different perspectives. When a man and his wife can no longer understand each other, they should seek the help of a professional counsellor, who by the help of the Holy Spirit can help them to see the matter from other perspectives. A friend shared a story with me that a newly married couple found themselves in a mess that could have cost them their new home, just a day after their wedding. After all the merriment at the wedding reception, they went to their new home rejoicing, but by the following day, there was a problem. The dustbin was filled with all kinds of stuff. The husband was expecting the wife to empty it, and the wife too was expecting the husband to empty it. So the man spoke up, but the wife refused and they began to shout at each other. Their pastor said he felt led by the Holy Spirit to go and visit them that morning, but he was hesitant. This couple just wedded yesterday, they should be enjoying their honeymoon, why should I disturb them? Well, he obeyed and went to the house.

As he approached the house he overheard the new couple shouting at each other, so he understood why the Lord sent him there. As he entered the house they greeted him, Ah, pastor, welcome sir. He then asked them what caused the quarrel between them and they explained. The wife told her pastor that in her family, it was their father that used to empty the dustbin so she grew up to believe that it is a man’s job, while the husband said it was his mother that empties trash at home. The pastor now counselled with them and made them see that both of them are right in their thinking, but that was their parents’ homes. Now they must decide how they want to run their own home, not necessarily following the old patterns. Thank God for that divine intervention, and peace was restored.

The Holy Spirit needs our hands, our feet, our mouths and all that He can use to reach out to people who are aching, and others who may just need little encouragement to push ahead with life in a world such as ours. The Bible is central to our counselling practice as Christian Counsellors, as the Holy Spirit grants us necessary illumination. No one has the wisdom to relate with people who are in pains and need succour, we need God’s wisdom, guidance and His words to pass across to people in this troubled society. Prayer component cannot be overemphasized. We must be very prayerful. Begin to pray for the client once he or she books an appointment, while the counselling session is ongoing, remain connected to the Holy Spirit, and as a follow-up strategy, keep praying that the Holy Spirit will help him or her to be victorious through the crisis.

God is building men and women who will surrender their will to Him to move to the nooks and crannies of this world so as to preserve the world for Him.  God is calling out to willing hearts to help in rebuilding lives.

Are you ready? May God find you faithful. Amen. 

N.B. Do you perceive the need for training? Join our online training at Institute of Christian Counselling and Mission Studies. Log on to www.iccmstudies.net for a rich experience in basic Christian Counselling. It is a flexible programme and it is cost-friendly.

WOMAN. STAY ON! YOU ARE AN ENCOURAGEMENT TO SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE!

A woman woke up one day with a heavy burden on her mind. I will like to call her Mrs. A. Troubled by the crises she was facing in her matrimony, Mrs. A. decided that the best way to get out of this marriage palaver is to pack her load and call it quits. She was ready to walk out of that marriage without informing her husband about her decision. Will he stop her from leaving, if informed? Maybe, maybe not, but Mrs. A was resolute.

Unknown to Mrs. A, a neighbor has been watching her in the neighborhood, and wished she could be like this mama, who unknown to her was about running away from her matrimonial home. One day, this other lady that I will like to address as Mrs. B walked to Mrs. A and narrated to her how unhappy she has been in her marriage and the fact that she was planning to leave her husband. On second thought she told herself, ‘let me see this other woman who appears to be enjoying her own married life. May be she can help me out of this crisis.’ So she approached Mrs. A.

On getting to the house of Mrs. A, she greeted her and pleaded with her to grant her some time because she had something to share with her. Out of courtesy, Mrs. A asked Mrs. B to sit down. The latter began to share her tales of woes. As Mrs. A was listening to the stories of her neighbor, she was convicted by the Holy Spirit about her decision to quit her marriage. She listened attentively to Mrs. B and she began to counsel her. To the glory of God, she was able to help Mrs. B to see a better perspective on her marriage, and she went back home rejoicing. She decided not to quit her marriage as she previously planned. After Mrs. B left the house, our dear madam went on her knees and asked God for forgiveness. She did not realize that somebody in the neighborhood has been watching and admiring her and her husband as a happy couple. Your guess is as good as mine. Mrs. A stayed on. That’s the power of stickability!

If fifty married women are brought together in a group, I guess about seventy-five (75%) of them, if not higher than that, are silently wishing that they could quit their marriages. Why? There are many unanswered questions in their minds! I leave you to fill up the gaps.

Beloved, stay on! Remember, the word of God states that, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenlies. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. “(Ephesians 6: 12-13). The first marriage in the Garden of Eden suffered a great blow but for God’s divine intervention (Genesis 3). The adversary, Satan, is not happy to see a united home that is built on Jesus Christ, our solid Rock. He constantly fights against marriage institution. Let us be spiritually alert, and do not give Satan a foothold. But you may want to ask the question, “What if the man is battering the wife? There are different ways of handling such. I am not suggesting that you stay and lose your life, but be wise! Your husband is not a devil after all. Pray for each other.

Stay on beloved! Somebody somewhere is being encouraged, though unknown to you. May God grant you and your husband the grace to honor God in your marriage.  

THE "WRIGGLE": :Window to your Freedom (PART 2)

The Biblical basis

In Proverbs chapter sixteen verse seven, the word of the Lord states, “When a man’s ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies be at peace with him.” (Amplified Bible). Conversely, if a man’s way does not please the Lord, I dare to say that what will happen to him will be the opposite, that is to say, his enemies will not be at peace with him. I think this could be the reason behind curses and the battle in a Christian’s life most of the times, though not always. Sometimes Satan fights the Christian for no just cause just as it is in Job’s case. Read Job 2: 1-8.

In all honesty how many Christians are living sinless lives? How many are blameless, and how many are holy? The bible says, “Without holiness, no man can see the Lord.” Sometimes one may even be ignorant of the fact that he or she has sinned. He that does not offend in words the bible describes him as a perfect man. (James 3:2). But the Holy Spirit whispers into our hearts saying my son, or my daughter, do you know that you have just missed the mark? Some people gave that a coinage and described it as “the sins of the saints!” As Christians many of us know that there are some sins that are obvious such as are mentioned in the Bible. For example, the book of Revelations chapter one, verse eight reads:

But as for the cowards and the ignoble and the contemptible and the cravenly lacking in courage and the cowardly submissive, and as for the unbelieving and faithless, and as for the depraved and defiled with abominations, and as for murderers and the lewd and adulterous and the practicers of magic arts and the idolaters (those who give supreme devotion to anyone or anything other than God) and all liars those who knowingly convey untruth by word or deed) – [all of these shall have] their part in the lake that blazes with fire and brimstone. This is the second death. (Amplified Bible).

But what will one say about a Christian who is being ruled by anger almost all the time? Even though he or she may not blow up the top of the lid but in that quietness, gently boiling with anger, sin is already recorded against such a fellow except he or she repents and asks God for forgiveness. This brings to my mind the case of a Christian sister who was bitter but she did not know until one remarkable day. She attended a Sunday service at a church and having been convicted by the Spirit of the Lord to amend her ways, she responded to an altar call for re-dedication of her life to Jesus Christ. As she was sitting down in the waiting room expecting to meet with one of the church counsellors, the Holy Spirit confronted her with this reality. It was as if someone spoke to her inwardly, “You are bitter against God.” The sister could not believe what she heard. She was so disturbed and after meditating on that sentence for a while she accepted that it was true and she broke down weeping. One of the counsellors on standby saw her sobbing but he did not interrupt her. That was a good quality of a counsellor. He allowed the sister to settle her case with her creator unhindered. The lady in question quietly confessed her sin of bitterness against God and asked God to forgive her.

Beloved, I was that lady! I brightened up after the prayer and I beckoned to the counsellor who had actually been watching the ‘drama,’ and I said to him, “Sir, I am alright. I want to go home.” The counsellor asked, “Are you sure you are o.k. or will you like to still meet with a counsellor? I put up a beautiful smile and assured him that “all is well.” The counsellor prayed with me and I left the Counselling hall liberated from the spirit of bitterness and I went home rejoicing. Reading through this story, many questions may likely be racing through the mind of the reader. How can someone be bitter against God? Is that really possible? I understand your confusion. I was also taken by surprise. How can I be bitter against my creator? But remember that the Holy Spirit searches through the heart of man and He sees what is there even when it is latent, I mean when it appears nothing is at stake.

Considering our story let us imagine if Satan had struck the sister with infirmity, chains of calamities et cetera, many would have judged wrongly.  Some people who knew her closely might even vouch for her that the sister is living right with God, how could such a thing happen to her? But the truth was that she was actually ‘swimming’ in an ocean of bitterness for years against her creator due to the challenges of life she was confronted with. The accuser, Satan, actually had a foothold to hold on to, confidently reporting to God saying something like this, “Have you seen your so-called daughter living in the sin of bitterness? I have every right to attack her. What do you have to say, Master?” This is just my imagination! Thank God for the blood, the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Some people may not be that fortunate to escape being struck by the devil even though they are born-again Christians. Deep-seated issues must be cleared with God’s mercy in order to scale through the accusation of the adversary.

CHILD OF GOD, YOUR MARRIAGE MUST WORK!

On Sunday, the 5^th day of March 2019 I woke up in the early hours of the day with this thought on my mind, “There’s a demand placed upon you Child of God, your marriage must work! It looks like this is a personal message but then the Spirit of the Lord led me to pick up my writing materials and I began to write. I pray you will be blessed as you read this piece in Jesus’ name

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What is Christian Marriage?

This is my definition. A Christian marriage is one wherein a man who has embraced the salvation which only Jesus Christ can give is joined in holy matrimony to a woman who has equally embraced the same salvation through confession of her sins to Jesus Christ and have invited Him into her life as her Saviour. John 3: 16 states, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” Jesus told Nicodemus in verse 7 of the same chapter, “Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.”

In Genesis 2: 24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.” Can anyone separate one indivisible whole without causing harm? The moment you try that destruction sets in. Though the two of them are Christians, human nature can not be ignored. There are moments of revelations! Seeing the other aspect of your partner which you never expected! Sometimes you wake up in the quietness of the night and you begin to look at this partner of yours with several ‘unhealthy’ questions racing through your mind, especially when you have been hurt. Let us not mention them here! Please do not dwell on such, rather borrow the “eyes of Jesus” and see your spouse through Jesus’ eyes. Think of only what Jesus would be seeing in that handiwork of His. Someone is saying, “You don’t know this partner of mine that is why you are giving glowing tributes!” But Jesus sees all and He knows all!

Why must this Marriage Work?

This marriage relationship must work because it is built on Jesus Christ, the Rock of Ages! God the Father says in Malachi 2:15-16, “Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away…) “I hate divorce.” I am sure you will not like to embrace what your Father in heaven hates. You desire to please your Master, Jesus Christ. Isn’t it? But wait a minute! Are you telling me to stay on in that abusive marriage? Then I ask you, friend, Was this how it all began? You started at a place of love and that was why you came together as husband and wife in the first place, then what happened along the journey friend?

            This marriage must work because you are brought together by God to showcase His glory to your generation and generations yet unborn who will read or hear about your exemplary Christian home. You are called to be a role model!

Let us examine some likely causes of marital conflicts at this point of our deliberation. These are just my thoughts, there are many more definitely.

1.     1.  Lack of money to meet up with family needs.

2.      2. Careless spending of money by either of the marriage partners.

3.      3. Interruption by the in-laws (mother-in-law; father-in-law; sister or brother-in-law etc)

4.      4. Siblings becoming overbearing on either the husband or the wife through their monetary or material demands

5.      5. Communication gap between married couples.

6.      6. Shabby appearance/dressing on the part of either of the couple.

7.      7. Excessive weight problem especially on the wife’s part.

8.      8. Lack of family philosophy of training of the children. Follow the Bible principle in Prov. 22:6

9.      9. Lack of mutual respect. Ephesians 5:21Romans 12:10

110.  Rebellious behaviour from either husband or wife.

111.  Lack of respect for parents.

112.  Lustful behaviour in the area of property accumulation.

113.  Sexual dissatisfaction /sexual abuse.

114.  Infidelity or unfaithfulness in marriage.

115.  Constant nagging by the wife or anger from either of the couple.

116.  Childlessness for a period or infertility.

117.  Lack of attention by either husband or wife.

118.  Overconcentration of love on the children at the expense of one’s spouse.

119.  Getting hooked on one’s career/ ministry to the total neglect of the other partner.

220.  Lack of romance in the marriage/ bad habit of pornography.

221.  Lack of trust and loyalty.

222.  Bitterness and Unforgiveness.

223.  Not meeting up with each other’s expectations.

224.  Pride and arrogance.

225.  Constant dependence on parents-in-law for family needs and conflict resolution.

226.  Lack of understanding and hypocrisy.

227.  Not listening attentively to your spouse during discussions.

228.  Not cross-checking with your spouse information received from outsiders about him or her.

229.  Battering i. e Wife beating.

330.  Favoritism in the family.

This marriage is not working again! Let us call it quits! Be patient my brother! Be calm my dear sister! Some ‘stranger’ is at that dark corner beating a drum of sorrow, shame, and destruction for you and your spouse. Can’t you discern it?  When father Adam and Eve were in harmony with their creator in the garden of Eden, read again what happened to them in the book of Genesis. In the cool of the day, God in heaven will come down and had fellowship with the first human couple on earth, but by the time the enemy of our soul crept in as a serpent in Genesis chapter 3. ‘Man’ was misled and that led to a breakdown in their fellowship with God. Let us read it together again in Genesis 3: 23-24, “Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken. So he drove out the man…”

            Do you realize that God missed that fellowship? He had to make a way to restore that communion and that informed the sending of His only begotten Son to earth. Jesus Christ came and died on the cross for you and for me. He shed His blood so as to reconcile us back to the Father.

            That marriage must work! It has to work, dear child of God because you are a terror to the kingdom of Satan. If you now permit the devil to destroy your home, what happens? You don’t know my partner. The more I pray the more the relationship worsens! I know it happens sometimes. Please play your own part and leave the rest to God to iron it out.  May His Spirit not depart from us. Amen.

What must you do for this marriage to work?

INTIMACY WITH GOD

In marriage three personalities are involved:

I.                   God

II.                Husband

III.             Wife                             

                                   

Every Christian that wants to live a meaningful and victorious life must be very close to God. It is important to spend quality time with God in the place of prayer, Bible study, and meditate on God’s word. As couples, you must be determined to build a Christ-Centred home. Once the husband’s communication with God is unhindered as well as that of the wife towards God, they will naturally flow towards each other. But if one party has a communication breakdown between him/her and God, it will affect his/her communication with the spouse.

Once the communication lines are open between God and the couple, things will work out better. Therefore, direct the attention of the entire family to the supremacy of Christ in your lives and personal endeavours.

The word of God says, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33)

Friend, deepen your relationship with the Holy Spirit. He will teach you how to listen to divine instructions and will grant you a heart of obedience so that you can please your creator. What of if I find myself in an abusive marriage? What of if the man or the woman wants to kill me? You are not a robot, you are a human being! Turn it over to God, and do whatever he instructs you to do at any particular time for your safety. In closing, let God be the leader in your home.

(For counselling, please contact Joyful Callers Counselling Ministry @ 0813-814-3021 or send an email to “joyfulcallers@gmail.com”)