The word of
God says, “Where no counsel is, the people fall (perish): but “in the multitude
of Counsellors, there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14 KJV).
Several
years ago, I attended a wedding ceremony at a Church. The officiating clergy
admonished the couple on what it takes to enjoy a Christian home, and in
addition, he advised them that they should not encourage the third party in their
marriage. He said further, “Don’t allow or encourage those people, the olofofo, (busybodies) called counsellors
to interfere in your marriage. To an extent that was good pastoral advice,
but personally, I felt very hurt as a practising Counsellor because I found it
highly derogatory to have referred to counsellors as “busybodies.” In my mind,
I said “Lord, this pastor is not helping this couple. As much as I do not
support the idea of bringing in the third party into the marriage, the fact still
remains that this newly wedded couple will need help along the way. This is a
journey they have not passed through before, so if there is any need for them
to seek help from a counsellor or anybody they feel led to talk to, I believe
that they should be encouraged, and not discouraged.
It is
unfortunate that some people have wrong notions about the counselling ministry.
They think counsellors are busybodies, but as time goes by they will
acknowledge the fact that counsellors are needed in our society. There are no
specific books in Bookshops that teach couples how to relate with each other at
each moment of life. For example, how to greet your spouse when you wake up,
how to feed your partner, how to please your husband et cetera. Most of those things are culturally based, therefore, if
the need arises to seek help from professionals, I believe they should be
encouraged. These are end times, many homes are facing economic distress,
emotional and even spiritual problems. Many homes are being destroyed by the
powers of darkness, and Christian couples must be spiritually alert. I heard a
true story of a pastor who told his wife on a particular day that, “I just feel
like beating you, yet you did not offend me.” What interpretation will you
provide for such? It is an aberration!
Where there
are healthy families, there will be a healthy nation. Unfortunately, many homes
are going through turbulent times. The statistics of couples filing for divorce
in courts is skyrocketing, while others who want to be modest opt for
separation. In the year 2020, it was reported that at a particular court in a
city in Nigeria, there are about 4,000 divorce cases still pending. Isn’t that
heartbreaking? That is just from one court. What is the statistics from other
courts in the land? What do you think will happen to the future of the children
who are from such homes? They will inevitably be affected adversely. Let’s ask
the question, How many of such people had a heart-to-heart discussion with their
spiritual leaders or professional counsellors before rushing to the court? Some
of them might have been brain-washed that they should not get any third party
involved, others might be reacting as a result of what their parents had
suffered in their marriages, and the children are now telling themselves, “No,
not again! My mother suffered domestic violence, I cannot stomach this
non-sense! But they forget that God created us as individuals and we should be
responsible for our lives. Domestic violence is on the increase! Men beating
their wives and vice versa. This is evidence that society is truly
decaying.
In Exodus
18:13-26, the man Jethro had to call Moses’ attention to the necessity of
getting more hands to help him in handling the matters that the Israelites were
bringing to him. In essence, there was a need for more counsellors if not,
Moses would suffer burnout. In the same vein, we need more counsellors to move
to the stage.
Nobody can counsel effectively without the help of “The Counsellor,” that is The
Holy Spirit. We must learn to communicate with Him and seek His directions as
we talk with people because He only can truly solve those problems. In the
world, many people are aching and many are broken-hearted. One day, a lady
called me on the telephone and we conversed for some time. Initially, I didn’t
like the idea, and I encouraged her to come to the counselling office so that
we could discuss extensively. On her part, she didn’t want face- to- face
interaction, but after some telephone discussion, she agreed that she would come
to the office. Unfortunately, she disregarded the two appointments that she
booked. The Holy Spirit then helped me to realize that there was a need for a
paradigm shift. All clients may not show up in the office, just take advantage
as the case presents itself, so I followed her up with text messages, and
sending relevant bible passages to help her.
As human
beings we operate from different perspectives. When a man and his wife can no
longer understand each other, they should seek the help of a professional
counsellor, who by the help of the Holy Spirit can help them to see the matter
from other perspectives. A friend shared a story with me that a newly married
couple found themselves in a mess that could have cost them their new home,
just a day after their wedding. After all the merriment at the wedding reception,
they went to their new home rejoicing, but by the following day, there was a
problem. The dustbin was filled with all kinds of stuff. The husband was
expecting the wife to empty it, and the wife too was expecting the husband to
empty it. So the man spoke up, but the wife refused and they began to shout at
each other. Their pastor said he felt led by the Holy Spirit to go and visit them
that morning, but he was hesitant. This couple just wedded yesterday, they
should be enjoying their honeymoon, why should I disturb them? Well, he obeyed
and went to the house.
As he
approached the house he overheard the new couple shouting at each other, so he
understood why the Lord sent him there. As he entered the house they greeted
him, Ah, pastor, welcome sir. He then asked them what caused the quarrel between
them and they explained. The wife told her pastor that in her family, it was
their father that used to empty the dustbin so she grew up to believe that it
is a man’s job, while the husband said it was his mother that empties trash at
home. The pastor now counselled with them and made them see that both
of them are right in their thinking, but that was their parents’ homes. Now
they must decide how they want to run their own home, not necessarily following
the old patterns. Thank God for that divine intervention, and peace was
restored.
The Holy
Spirit needs our hands, our feet, our mouths and all that He can use to reach
out to people who are aching, and others who may just need little encouragement
to push ahead with life in a world such as ours. The Bible is central to our
counselling practice as Christian Counsellors, as the Holy Spirit grants us
necessary illumination. No one has the wisdom to relate with people who are in
pains and need succour, we need God’s wisdom, guidance and His words to pass across
to people in this troubled society. Prayer component cannot be overemphasized.
We must be very prayerful. Begin to pray for the client once he or she books an
appointment, while the counselling session is ongoing, remain connected to the
Holy Spirit, and as a follow-up strategy, keep praying that the Holy Spirit will
help him or her to be victorious through the crisis.
God is
building men and women who will surrender their will to Him to move to the nooks
and crannies of this world so as to preserve the world for Him. God is calling out to willing hearts to help
in rebuilding lives.
Are you
ready? May God find you faithful. Amen.
N.B. Do you perceive the need for training? Join our online training at
Institute of Christian Counselling and Mission Studies. Log on to www.iccmstudies.net for a rich experience in basic
Christian Counselling. It is a flexible programme and it is cost-friendly.
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