DANGERS OF PRE- MARITAL-SEX: PART 3

Another danger has to do with contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) e.g. Gonorrhoea, Syphillis, HIV/AIDS etc.Such diseases may lead to permanent damages or even death as in the case of HIV/AIDS.

            If a girl gets pregnant and has a child as a secondary school student for instance, the chance to marry a responsible young man in future becomes slim. Everybody will be calling her “after One” meaning she already has one child and some men are discouraged from asking for her hand in marriage. 

            Also a child that is born out of wedlock is called a bastard, and the future husband may not allow the child to come into the family. The child may grow up full of bitterness and may turn out to become a street boy living under the bridge. In extreme cases the boy may attempt to kill the mother, because he feels frustrated, and the question on his mind may be, “Why did you bring me to the world when you know you will not take care of me?” So be warned!

DANGERS OF PRE-MARITAL SEX: PART 2

Some girls after getting pregnant will opt for abortion i.e. removal of the baby in the womb(foetus) by a fake doctor or even in some recognized hospitals. Some girls who attempted abortion died in the process, while others who thought that the abortion was successful found out later in life to their chagrin that it was not successful after all. When they became married women, they found out that they could not conceive again because of the damage that was already caused to their reproductive organs (i.e. the womb) as a result of the abortion that took place several years before then, which sometimes led to complete removal of the womb. Others were subjected to frequent miscarriages. They found out that if the abortion they had was in the third month of the pregnancy, they were losing their pregnancies at that exact month even after they were married. So Be Warned!

            If a girl jumps from one boy to the other, she will find out later in life that she can not truly love her husband, because she has distributed several parts of herself to different men, this is what is called soul-ties. The marriage may end up in a divorce. It will take prayer of deliverance to be free from such bondage. Why must you destroy your beautiful future with momentary pleasures of sin? Don’t allow any boy or man have sex with you until you get married, whenever you make yourself cheap, the boys play with you and dumps you, and what is the result? Your heart breaks. A broken heart can not be mended easily. There has been cases of girls and ladies who experienced broken relationships and unfortunately they developed mental crises. If you have kept yourself pure, if you have refused to have sex with any boy before wedding, if he decides to call off the relationship, the pain of separation may be less because you never allowed him to have sex with you. Please protect your future.

DANGERS OF PRE-MARITAL SEX -PART 1

Pre-marital sex may lead to pregnancy or may not lead to pregnancy. If you become pregnant, you will have to discontinue your studies. If you have parents who are lenient, they may send you back to school after you might have delivered the baby, and you are strong enough to resume school. Some schools may not even feel comfortable to absorb you back. Also returning to the same school may not help your psyche. Fellow students will laugh at you and call you names- Eh! iyawo Thaddeus, or mama bomboi etc. so you may not be able to cope with the embarrassment. This may eventually truncate your education, whereas the boy that has put you in the family way will be gallivanting around, before you know it, he will pick on another innocent girl and fool her with similar deceptive words he used on the previous girl. Be wise! 

DANGERS OF PRE-MARITAL SEX: INTRODUCTION

Many girls had been deceived by boys. They had told them all kinds of lies such as: You are the apple of my eyes; the sugar in my tea; the butterfly in my stomach etc. When  girls hear such lies their heads become swollen and they feel they are the most important girls in the lives of such boys. It is a lie, the truth of the matter is that, the boys have said the same words or even sweeter ones to thousand and one girls i.e several other girls have been deceived the same way. The moment a girl allows a boy to see her pant and chops your pie (i.e. disvirgin or deflower her) the boy sees the girl as a useless girl and treats her like thrash. What do you do to thrash? Dirty things? They are thrown away. Exactly that’s what the boys do. Worse still, he will go and tell his friends, “O boy, you see that chik (girl) I have been there, go and try your luck.” Before long you become a football that boys play around.

6Cs TO MARRIAGE CONFLICTS RESOLUTION:COMMITMENT

COMMITMENT: Intimate relationship is built upon mutual trust. One partner believing that the other partner will not betray him or her. If one takes cognizance of this fact, it is possible to build a healthy relationship, but every concerned party must work at it to make it a success.

 Somebody once said, "Marriage is like a voyage on the sea." If the ship develops any problem, it will be madness for anyone to think of jumping out of the ship into the sea, because he or he may never live to tell the story. it is safer to stay on board, because there may be no shipwreck at the end of the day. And he asks, "Why is it so easy for some people to 'jump out' of their marriage once there is little misunderstanding or problem?" Lack of commitment I suppose! A married couple must be determined that this marriage must work, whether the devil likes it or not. Efforts must be put into actually understanding your partner. There is an African adage that says, ‘Say what you mean and mean what you say.’ The secret to success is BE OPEN TO EACH OTHER. Do not have a hidden agenda when you are discussing, say it the right way. Be humble enough to say "I am sorry" whenever your spouse feels offended by your actions. A man or a woman who enters into a marriage relationship with a faulty vow made before the altar of God, "For better to stay, for worse to leave," such might be drumming his or her doom already. I believe in positive confession but I also believe in reality. Life is full of challenges! Take it or leave it! A faulty foundation will eventually lead to a cracked wall if not a complete demolition of the house, therefore, couples must enter into an unwritten oath of Commitment, saying, We shall be together until death separates us, God helping me.

6C's TO CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN MARRIAGE:COMMUNICATION

COMMUNICATION: Spouses should always communicate and learn to express their feelings.

Most times conflicts erupt in a marriage relationship basically due to communication problems. Positive form of communication would attract good and successful relationship, while negative communication can result into a disintegration of relationship. At times human beings draw their conclusions by whatever interpretations are attached to words that are spoken or actions that are displayed. Unfortunately some of the interpretations are sometimes wrong because they are based on  false premises.  Do not save “Emotional Trading Stamps” (i.e. cataloguing all his/her mistakes in your imagination). Learn to express yourself.

“Communication is often hard work.” When a couple is engaged in a discussion, the wife expects the husband (or vice versa) to listen to the points being raised and respond appropriately but often they get disappointed when the feedback that is received is not in consonance with the message that was sent. It must be noted that feedback is largely dependent on the listening ability of the receiver. Therefore, the key to effective communication is attentive listening.

HINTS:

Communication is HARD WORK. It is a process that involves Talking, Listening and Understanding; Communication is more than talking; Listening is very essential in building strong lines of communication in a marriage. And it takes effort. Whenever one partner is talking the other partner should exercise patience to listen to all that he/she wants to say. One knotty issue in communication is making yourself understood. More often than not, ‘one partner tries to second guess the other.’ It is an assumption most of the times to think that you know the end of what the other fellow is saying, unfortunately by the time he/she is interrupted a lot of facts get muddled up. “But when husband and wife start to listen to one another an amazing thing happens: they start to feel understood by each other.’’ (NormanWright 1974, 61). Do Make conscious effort to improve your communication skills.

6Cs OF MARRIAGE CONFLICTS RESOLUTION: CONFESS IN LOVE

CONFESS IN LOVE –Spouses do have differences in several areas. Opinions may differ, belief systems may not always tally especially if one is a theologian while the other is not too much into theological discourses. When conflicts arise both of them must be ready to confess first to God, that “Lord, I am sorry for this crisis,” then secondly to each other as intimate partners. Talk to each other in love. Forgive as God has forgiven you, no matter how deep the hurts, and say to your spouse, “I love you my dear. Let us not give place to the devil again.” When couples learn to forgive one another, no one will consider divorce. Think always about your relationship with God, and the future of those special Gifts God gave to you.