FROM THE ARCHIVES: A BALANCED CHRISTIAN HOME

MONEY IS TRYING TO DIVIDE US

(F)     MARRIED YET APART

There was the question of a couple not living together. The husband was an undergraduate in the University and the wife a village teacher. As a village teacher, most weekend expenses had to deal a heavy blow to her purse by way of transport fare, apart from the husband who needed plenty of money to maintain him.

One weekend the husband came with the news that he had been awarded a scholarship. The woman breathed a sigh of relief and beamed with joy. Unfortunately the husband would not bring any of his bursary sum for the family to spend, yet he realized that the woman had no savings in her account because of him. He was still demanding from the wife. At this stage, the woman refused giving him and the man felt: “but she knows I am a student and is this the extent her Christianity goes, or could it be for my scholarship award? She is now so stingy?”

     

We should have our eyes opened so that we may see all the tricks of the enemy in the various ways he can come to cause disunity so that we may not be caught unawares. We must be wiser than our enemy, the devil. 1 Peter 5:8.

Indeed the case above could have been prevented if some patience was exercised before marriage:     Luke 14:28-30. Let Christians learn to stay together once married. Eve was deceived by Satan while Adam was away. Therefore what God has joined together let not anything, (ACADA, MONEY, SICKNESS, RELATIVES etc.) rend asunder.

Let husband and wife be plain to each other. Your wife should know all your various regular sources of income and vice-versa if indeed you are cleaving. There is no reason why I should hide my pay packet from my husband neither should he hide his from me. If the contrary happens, then we are not fully cleaving and it means we have allowed money to divide us, thus we live below the standard of the word of God.

      Having given numerous examples of homes rent in pieces by money I hasten to add that I know of countless Christian homes where peace, joy, love and confidence reign supreme while they maintain a common purse and a joint account. A couple opened a joint account and they had no account number but an account name “Mr & Mrs.........................” when they individually submitted the account name to their respective places of work, they were ridiculed by the accounts staff. It was strange to them. But to the glory of God this couple have stayed together joyfully in full trust of each other over the years. The wife acts as the treasurer while the husband is the financial secretary. They needed no external auditor because they knew they will account to their master Jesus. Money had not and will not divide your home if you follow this pattern.

      When we know our financial strength we are able to plan together. As the Lord would have it, remember Gen, 2:25 when Adam and Eve were both naked and were not ashamed. When a couple sees each other’s nakedness even financially, there is much joy instead of shame.

      I am prescribing to my audience what my husband and I are practising through the grace of God. Paul says in his epistles, “Be ye followers of me...” that is, be my imitator. Let not money divide you.

1 Tim.6:6-10; 1 Pet. 3:1-7; Eph. 5: 22-33

                                                                                           Ope Opapeju (Mrs.)

 Saturday, 20^th October, 1979.

FROM THE ARCHIVES: A BALANCED CHRISTIAN HOME

MONEY IS TRYING TO DIVIDE US

(B)    PLEDGE MAKING

A member of a Christian couple attended a Christian gathering and felt lifted high in the spirit, with no consideration for the partner who was absent from the meeting, made a pledge that she was going to donate her next salary for God’s work. By the end of the month she carried out her pledge: but the husband was disturbed greatly, realizing the number of children they had to cater for as well as other dependants and other needs. For the first time in their married life, the husband had to speak in a harsh way and the wife exclaimed “ so money is dividing us so soon! Why all the bullying on me? On that day they had to look at each other’s face. I will leave you in suspense to consider the extent to which the devil could use such a situation against the couple’s unity, all because of not counting the cost before making her pledge. Luke 14: 28-30. Definitely, there is need for adjustment when one is married: here I would not say it is money, only dividing them but also lack of proper planning.

(C)   SOUL WINNER/VISITOR ENTERTAINER?

Imagine another who used to buy things for young converts, bring them home, feed and live together for as many days as the converts would love to continue.

On getting married, the brother continued with this system, to the extent that the wife started to worry, regarding the amount of money they spend in feeding outsiders, that is, the husband’s converts and several other visitors. On an occasion, she decided not to cook because she found out that she was cooking soup not less than 4 times a week.

The husband got angry and asked why that happened. She told the husband that he was lavishing their money on visitors. This discussion which started in a simple way got heated up to some extent that only the grace of God brought the situation to a calm. Even though there was calmness, the woman decided and stopped keeping joint account with the husband from that time for what she considered an unwise method of spending which she observed in her husband.

            But the Bible correctly exhorts us not to be weary in doing good for thus Abraham entertained angels unawares. Gal. 6:9-10; Hebrews 13:1-3. So it is not that you should not entertain visitor but be in agreement as to what percentage of your budget goes on any act of kindness.

(D)    EDUCATION OF RELATIVES, IN-LAWS DEMANDS etc.

Consider a Christian couple who started well, indeed like the bible in Genesis 2: 24 which says “for this reason will a man leave his father and mother...” This couple is a good example of leaving and cleaving, doing many things in unity having full confidence in each other even in financial matters. But at a time the woman started observing that there was what she considered a serious ‘Leakage’ in their purse from the husband’s side because he had to maintain three of his junior brothers: two in grammar school and one in primary school. Besides, there was the case of regular giving to Daddy and Mummy.

The wife then calculated how much was being spent on ‘her own side’ and she hesitated whether she should continue keeping joint account with her husband. One day she opened a fresh account and instructed that her salary be henceforth paid to the new account instead of the joint one she was running with her husband.

            It was after about two months that the husband realized what had happened. Nothing was forthcoming from the wife. He innocently called the wife and said, “Darling, they have been cheating you in your place of work for they have not paid your salary.” In the first instance the wife was afraid and was wondering whether to tell the truth or a lie, then she soliloquized, “Anyway as a Christian I shouldn’t tell a lie: but would that not cause a division in the home if he should know the true situation of things?” While still thinking of what to do the husband started to imagine that the wife must have been in the know of what happened since it took her so long a time to answer the simple question and so he asked again “Or have you asked them not to...” The wife interrupted, “Well you caused it: when you spent most of our money on other people, I am afraid we might never be able to execute any tangible project if we continue this way.” And so the devil was successful in driving a wedge of separation, at least financial, between the couple. Truly there is need for understanding between Christian couples and proper and agreed planning so that their prayers be not hindered. 1 Peter 3:7. Also there is need for bowel of mercy. Colossians 3:12; Prov.19:17; Deut. 15:7-11; Luke 6:38

(E)    CEREMONIES

There is the case of another couple. The wife loves annual ceremonies, like birthday celebration, marking wedding anniversary and related ceremonies. Unfortunately, the woman was just a housewife. She had to depend solely on the husband’s income for all her expenses. Because the man would not welcome such expenses, he kept explaining that his meager salary could not meet with such demands and that there was need to be frugal. The wife, whenever alone, kept questioning herself, “Is it because I am not working? I am such a pauper!” So she kept wondering how she could start some daily contribution out of the soup money the husband gave. Hence dishonesty started creeping into her way of life. She would try to buy things that are cheap, low quality stuffs and her husband noticed that her food was losing taste. Moreover she used every opportunity to scrape and gather money from her husband. On an occasion of her birthday, from her thrift, she had bought a particular attire and the husband was wondering how she got the money.

To cut the long story short, the husband became suspicious of his wife. This way again, money dealt a dividing blow into the couple and brought a wedge of dishonesty, suspicion and diminished confidence. Remember Achan – Joshua 7:20; 1 Tim.6:6-10 “The love of money is the root of all evil. Also the Bible warns us against living in pleasure. 1 John 2: 15-17. “Woe to them that are at ease in Zion.”(Amos 6:1). 

FROM THE ARCHIVES: A BALANCED CHRISTIAN HOME

"MONEY IS TRYING TO DIVIDE US"

“Too often, scraping together and heaping up riches debases the mind, destroys godly traits and endues with selfishness, pride and avarice which ends in perdition.” The above is Dake’s comment on 1 Tim.6:9-10.

Reading again the same chapter verses 6-7, makes it clear to us the need to be contented with what we have and emphasizes that just as we came into the world naked, so we will return without any of these worldly materials, when our life here is over.

In the book of Haggai 2:8 we read that silver and gold belong to God. It is hightime Christians realize that the love of money can be a tool of the devil: without this realization, there will continue to be biting and devouring of one another even in the same home which may result in disaster if prayerful solution is not sought before it is too late.

I would like to consider this topic from the following points of view: The influence of money as it affects:-

1.      Non-Christian couple

2.      The unequally yoked couple

3.      The Christian couple

4.      Other possible ones

There was once a dialogue between two women secretaries, they were gossiping about another one who is a Christian:

Mrs. A.  – “Do you know your friend is so foolish? This their S.U. has made her so mad you  

                  know! How can Christianity make one so stupid as to keep joint account with a man   

                 (husband)?

Mrs B.  –“Explain what you mean clearly: do you mean there are still such people in the world  

                  today with the modern trend of civilization? God forbid, I know Baba Olu will never   

                   mention such to me: even though we love ourselves, not in money matter, everybody

                  with his own purse. I don’t know his salary neither does he bother about knowing  

                   mine.”

Mrs. A.- “The gods will never let wisdom knock at the door of fools talk less of wisdom staying

                 with them! They have sold themselves to foolishness which they call religion...”

the discussion continued, but I should not continue to engage my ears with such reckless assault unleashed on fellow human being especially a colleague. Of course this is not unexpected from somebody whose god is the prince of this world, the devil. There is a Yoruba adage concerning cripples: “won ni amukun eru re wo, o ni ati ile lo ti wo wa” meaning: “Mr. Cripple, don’t you see your load is not straight up.” He replied, “Look at my legs they are all bent, so the bending of the load is not just up.” The case of the above secretaries is that of unregenerated lives.  It takes a regenerated woman to have full confidence in her husband and vice-versa.

The foregoing record is an expected observation in homes of unbelieving couples and the unequally yoked. Unfortunately there are several occasions which have proved disturbing enough even in Christian homes either because of poor planning or lack of understanding between the couple, or for several other reasons which may range from erratic decision resulting from uncontrolled emotions to unresisted submission to pressure and some other causes as analysed below.

(a)    MONTHLY SALARY:

 Some days ago two Christian brothers were discussing ‘financial matter in the home.’ One of them was wondering whether anything was wrong in joint account between a Christian couple. The other warned him strictly saying, “Bro, the day you allow your wife to know your salary or financial strength from that day you lose your pride of being a husband in the home!!!

Brethren, to shorten the story, the case above is a REAL occurrence, but it ought not to be so. It is because the old man (nature of sin) is still ruling, hence the brother was holding to his Ego so much- the pride of life. The Bible warns us in I John 2: 15-17 not to love the world or the things in the world etc. and the pride of life...they will all pass away. Also husband should love his wife like his own flesh.