DELIBERATE DETERMINED STEPS.

2Timothy 3:1 "This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come."

Turmoils, hunger, insurgencies, epidemics are some of the common place occurrences in our world today. We are indeed in perilous times. All over Africa, these are difficult times. As we talk of imminent famine in Sudan, Ethiopia, Somalia and Nigeria, among many others, we skip outside the continent to Venezuela where over 90% of the oil-rich country cannot afford three meals a day. India, Brazil, Haiti are not faring better. Terrorist groups like Boko Haram, Fulani Militia, Al - Shabab, ISIS, Al - Queda and many others are on the rampage all over the world. Indeed we can echo the words of the English poet, T.S Eliot, and say "things have fallen apart; the Centre cannot hold. The falcon cannot hear the falconer. Sheer anarchy is loosed on the world."

In the midst of all these, what is the Christian attitude? It is pertinent to examine this because when people are hungry and angry, they look for victims to vent their anger upon. Usually, Christians and Jews are the soft targets! We have seen thousands of Christians displaced from their homes. We have seen thousands of Christian women deprived of their husbands who were slain or butchered like cows. In Iraq, Syria, Nigeria, and many other countries, this is happening on a daily basis. At such a time like this in the past, brother Peter the Apostle wrote: 1 Pet 2:21 "For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps." Following His steps in a determined, deliberate and intentional walk.

His steps? Yes. He had a focus, Heaven. That was all that mattered to Him, pleasing His Father in heaven. He said my Father works so I work. He said I have a baptism to be baptized with and how I constrained myself. He said my will is to do my Father’s work and finish it. We must make heaven our goal, our ultimate focus. He had regular recourse to the place of prayer to commune with His Father. We must be deliberate in carving out time to be with Him in the place of prayers and study of the word. He shunned all appearances of evil and lived above board to the extent that He could claim: the enemy came and found nothing in me.

Holiness must be our watchword. The Bible warns us: "without holiness, no man shall see God." People of God, let us be sober and do what we can for the Master, for the night comes when no man can work. The rate at which people of God are being taken up to heaven is alarming. The night may come for us sooner than expected. In keeping close to God in prayers and Bible study on a daily basis, He will guide us into steps to take in these perilous Times. The wickedness of the wicked cannot escape God. Let us listen to His directives and take the counsel of good old Mary: "whatever He says, do it." The victory of the cross is assured. People who don’t know our God are rejoicing at our temporary travails. But watch it, our God shall arise, and that very soon. For us, determined, and deliberate walk with the Master. Those who have ears should hear what God’s Spirit is saying to the church. Maranatha!

‘Bayo Famonure.

P.S. You asked for this some time ago. I wrote it within one week of your request but I left the last paragraph till today (31st July, 2021) to make it a birthday gift. Happy birthday 

Uncle Bayo

 

RESOLVING THE TREND OF DIVORCE IN OUR SOCIETY PART 11

 One of the ministers on the platform expressed his own plans too. According to Reverend K.O:

1. As a pastor of a local assembly, I dedicate one Sunday in two months to emphasize the importance of Godly homes to the church and society and the evil consequences of divorce on the family, (children and the couple), Church and the society.

2. I will also influence my pastor friends to do something to check the trend of divorce in their respective sphere of influence.

 

Mrs. R.D. raised a very important point. She said, “Most of our Church Marriage Counsellors are not trained, and so cannot give professional counselling beyond their expertise. There's the need for trained counsellors to be part of the Marriage Committee in our churches, and be easily accessible for people to benefit from their services.” 

From my experiences both as a growing child, and in my marriage, I desire to have a blog where I can post materials on staying together in marriage. “You fall in love to get married, but you grow in love to stay married,” she concluded.

 

 Mrs. Ade is of the opinion that looking at the rate of divorce in our society, it is obvious that many couples are not genuinely born again, and some are still babies in Christ, even though they might have been in the church for several years. Therefore, the need for salvation should be made very clear to our church members.

Also, some Churches do not take Marriage counselling seriously, so some couples did not have any counselling knowledge as regards marriage. All they are after is the wedding day not knowing that marriage is more than that. Churches should endeavour to train godly couples to serve as marriage counsellors in their Marriage Committees. She stated further that some sisters lack home training, for example in the area of cooking and since men generally love good food, this can cause friction in the home and subsequently end in divorce, if the wife refuses to improve. There’s no harm in attending a short course in Cookery and home management, so as to add taste to their family life.

In her concluding statement, she encouraged all Christians to pray for troubled marriages. She wrote, “if there is any family/home that we know which is passing through a hard time, let us intervene prayerfully and God will back us up and give them victory in Jesus name.”

 

According to sister E, we should “pray that their eyes of understanding will be flooded with light.” When this is done based on the word of God, couples will never see divorce as an option.

 

In her own words, Mrs. F. B. opines:

i.                    Anyone who is ready for marriage should be able to define what she or he wants and how to achieve such without allowing any distraction.

ii.                  From the onset, the ways of the Lord should be inculcated in our relationships and children should be guided in like manner.

iii.                There is a need for understanding spiritual warfare in every area of marital life, especially when there’s a particular trend in any of the couple’s family history.

iv.                Regular talks and seminars on Marriage should be put in place in our churches.

v.                  Christians should serve as Role Models and example of believers in all things.

vi.                Above all, if any marital challenge is becoming life-threatening, the couple can be counselled to consider living separately until a solution is found, or provided.

This is suggested because there has been cases of a partner killing his or her spouse because there’s serious tension in their relationship and any little provocation can trigger violent outburst which may go beyond their control, and subsequently results in one partner killing the other.

 

CONCLUSION

In conclusion, I will like to encourage us to meditate on the afore-mentioned points carefully and prayerfully. The power is in our hands to stop this evil trend as children of God. Healthy families will result in healthy Nations. Despite the fact that in some churches, couple-to-be are taken through Pre-Marital Counselling classes for three to six months, some people still build on a false foundation due to a deceitful lifestyle. According to Mrs. D, there was the case of a couple who after going through Church Counselling got married, but after some time the lady found out that where the husband was staying was his friend’s apartment. Unfortunately, that was the end of that marriage.

 

What stopped them from discussing that problem before marriage? So Counsellors have a lot to do mostly in the area of teaching. The foundation of every Christian home is Christ. He should be our first lover. Couples must trust God and be ready to adjust wherever possible. God sees and understands our pains, we must embrace forgiveness all the time! Let us rely on God to help us through the journey of life. May His work in our hands continue to flourish as we await His coming. Shalom.

RESOLVING THE TREND OF DIVORCE IN OUR SOCIETY PART 1

 INTRODUCTION

Sometimes in the year 2020, during the Corona Virus pandemic, a lot of Ministries/Churches resulted in online programmes since it became impossible for people to assemble in their Churches and Fellowship halls. As Joyful Callers Counselling Ministry, the Lord laid it on our hearts to run online teaching, so we came up with a WhatsApp teaching group tagged “Free Counselling Class.” We had fifty-three registered participants from six countries, which was quite encouraging. Cross-fertilization of ideas from different worldviews also added value to our discussions to the glory of God. Different topics were discussed over a period of six weeks (Wednesday evenings only). One of the issues we dealt with was the issue of divorce. This was a big concern to us seeing the increasing rate of divorce in our societies. We were not just interested in discussing various factors that are responsible for divorce, rather we are more interested in suggesting ways of combating this menace so that we can all enjoy a more stable family life where our children can be brought up in the way of the Lord, and grow up to become responsible citizens of our beloved countries.

 

Therefore, I asked the participants on the platform to share with us their own resolutions on how to reduce the menace of divorce in our societies. The edited responses are hereby presented.

  

Mrs. A. A opined, “By the grace of God, my resolution is to put more efforts into what I am currently doing in the area of Christian Parenting in the 21st Century (WhatsApp platform). I believe that the decadence of our society streams from homes. Therefore the home front needs healing. The home front needs fixing. We need to go back to our first love where Christ is modeled before the children, as the head of the home.”

 

Another person states thus: Children are silent observers to their parents' marriages. Opinions and mindsets are formed early, often strongholds are formed in their subconscious young minds that ultimately deeply influence their own attitudes to the institution of marriage. It, therefore, comes as no surprise that a son who grew up seeing his father beat up his mother, often replicates the same abuse in his marriage, but for the grace of God. A daughter who watched her father unleash various forms of domestic abuse upon her mother may be completely turned off towards the institution of marriage, because why would she want to suffer a similar fate? Such reasons have been implicated in late marriages, marital problems and consequent divorce.

 

I believe strongly that, “there is a place of personal responsibility in marital harmony and success. A married couple should also be continually aware of this fact, that their attitudes and actions in their marriage are a constant lesson to their children and impressionable young minds in their sphere of influence and thus, strive to set a good example. To stem the tide of divorce in society, the change must begin within. – Dr. O.O
Some others believe that Forgiveness helps to keep us in the right direction with the Holy Spirit, and gives us a peaceful mind. Also when God sees our willingness to forgive, He helps us further without much effort on our side. Unfortunately, we are not willing to take the pain to forgive at times because we don’t fully understand the good that comes from forgiveness. Forgiveness is a strong foothold for the Holy Spirit to do wonders. Forgiveness brings healing and it repairs our relationship with God and with one another. It brings a refreshing to the soul. Therefore, a godly way to resolve divorce is for couples to embrace the virtue of FORGIVENESS. Forgive your partner as God forgives you.   Mummy O. O. presents her own views in the following words:

1. Parental care and teaching of moral values, cultural values, and most importantly Godly values from the Bible must be taken seriously.

2. Teaching the young ones before marriageable age the value and permanence of marriage. This is very important because we are in an age where singles (male and female) see a marriage relationship as one that can be dissolved at will. If it works, fine, if it doesn’t work we call it quits. Any couple that enters into a marriage relationship with such a bias may likely not endure, and adjustment will almost be at zero levels. We need to teach our children that marriage is God’s idea, not man’s, and He meant for it to be permanent, only death is allowed to separate the couple.

3. Praying through for the deliverance of homes and stoppage to activities of home enemies through the blood of Jesus.

4. Organising Counselling and teaching sessions for couples as regards God’s word concerning marriages and keeping the homes secure will also help.

5. Discipleship sessions for converts after they might have experienced the salvation of their souls will help people to value God’s word in all circumstances of life..

6. Living an exemplary Godly life worthy of emulation will equally help.

 

In adding her own voice to this all-important, life-saving discussion, Mummy Y. M, wrote, “As an individual, who is in the Marriage Counselling committee of my local assembly, I have resolved to continuously counsel intending couples never to consider divorce as an option and to let them know about all the people that will be affected negatively if there is a divorce in a home.” This is a very healthy step to take because many people only think about their own selfish desire to have their way at all cost, forgetting that many people are tied to their lives. For instance, what becomes of the children after a divorce case? What about the mental health of the partner who never anticipated such disruption to his or her life’s journey? People must learn to sit back and think meditatively on the word of God in Malachi 2: 16, “… For the LORD of Israel says that He hates divorce.”

 

Mrs. Y. Y. B’s resolve is this, “to advise intending couples to be friends first before marriage. This will help them overcome issues like communication gaps which open the door to several other problems. If there is genuine communication and bonding, divorce will not come to play.” Mrs. A.A. asserts, “I am trusting God to help my children and all other people that God is sending to me, to get it right before marriage, to go for pre-marital counselling, and to take it seriously.” A pastor who is serving in a Franco-phone context puts it this way, “In the culture where I am, marriage is a contract and not a covenant. So the issue of divorce is not an issue with them at all.” There are certain foundations laid that do not allow marriage to take place at all, if eventually it does, divorce is at the corner if the couples do not pray very well. So we need to tackle divorce spiritually than physically. Also, courtship before marriage is very important, and during courtship, there should be no sex. Once a would-be couple is involved in sex it is a sin against God, and it covers errors. A faulty foundation that is! It is advisable that the couple should be attending Marriage seminars together so that they can learn how to please God in their homes. That will help a lot to curb this menace. – Pastor E.U.J

 

VISION 2021: CLARITY OF VISION IS KEY!

 

 

                

(Commissioned Message by Dr. Esther Adenike Luogon, President of Joyful Callers  Counselling Ministry- http:www.joyfulcallers.org)

 (Habakkuk 2: 1-3)

2:1- I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower, and will watch to see what he will say unto me, and what I shall answer when I am reproved.

2:2 –And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.

2:3- For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end, it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

 

Beloved. What is the Vision? What did God show you for the year 2021? Not what others are showing you on their posters and platforms! It is important to see right and to see clearly. Write the Vision! Make it clear!  CLARITY OF VISION IS THE KEY FOR 2021! It may not appeal to your senses! It may even look ‘insignificant!’ This can’t make our Ministry ‘fly’ or popular! Who owns the Ministry?  Your vision or God’s vision! Those Goals and Vision statement for the year 2021!  Who owns them? You or Papa God? That’s where many of us miss it. May God help us to hear Him clearly, See the Vision clearly, and Run with the Vision with all our Strength.

 

Worries and anxieties about how to achieve those gigantic visions may not be necessary if indeed the Vision is from Above! Let’s look inwards beloved. What exactly did God call you to do for Him? He called you to be an Evangelist to the dying world. But you have chosen your own path of planting Churches and settling down as the “Great” Servant of God. Now you are full of Complaints and Confusion! You caused it friend! Go back to the ‘original Commission!’ The pattern God showed you when He called you. I understand the struggle of support. Yes! It is still part of the journey to pleasing the Lord. Trust Him Always! “God’s work, done in God’s way, will never lack God’s supply, “opines the Missionary Statesman, Hudson Taylor.

 

LET THE VISION BE CLEAR & LET US FOCUS ON THE VISION HE GAVE US FOR 2021.

 

MARANATHA! MARANATHA!

MOTHER, BE GENTLE ON YOUR GIRL-CHILD!

                   
Most mothers are highly protective of their daughters. The reason is obvious. They are conscious of the fact that female children are fragile, and they need to handle them with care. Many of us have heard many ugly stories of how some girls were raped by boys, who sometimes were their school mates or close relations such as uncles, cousins et cetera, and how some shameless men had abused young girls in time past. All such stories can create fear in the heart of mothers because every mother wants the best things in life to happen to her girl-child.
In order to prevent their daughters from men who may want to take undue advantage of them, some mothers turn out to be very tough on their daughters. It’s good to exercise discipline, but let it be motivated by love. Be a friend to your girl child, and in fact become her best friend. I was in a cab one day and I overheard a woman telling her friend that, "I told my daughter, I am not your friend, I am your mother." Well, I guess she had her reasons for saying that, but I am afraid, she may lose the confidence of that daughter. She may never open up to her mother even while in crisis. psychologically, she has been injured by that statement.

Some Christian mothers think that once they conduct morning devotions as a family, go for church services with the children, automatically the children should embrace Jesus as Lord and Saviour. Sorry, it is not always so. Prayerfully and personally introduce your child to Jesus Christ, the Saviour. Some of the children even follow you to church just to satisfy you and be free of your many questions. Have you cared to find out what they do in church?

During a Sunday service, a teenage girl sat next to me and was very busy on her phone. Sometimes, one assumes that the fellow may be reading the bible using the phone, but that day I noticed that she was actually chatting. I then asked her what she was doing and like an innocent child she said, “I am chatting with my brother.” I asked her further, “Where is he?” and she replied, “He is overseas.” I was careful not to be hard on her, but I simply warned her that we are in the presence of God, so she should stop chatting. Thank God she listened to an elder’s warning. She stopped and said, “Thank you ma.” Some others could be chatting with some boys who could easily deceive them into nefarious activities.
Mother, give your daughter more time. Talk as friends, do a lot of gists together, laugh together, tell her life stories about yourself and others. Tell her about life and how wicked it can be sometimes, and as she listens to you, encourage her to ask you questions, and gently provide her with helpful answers. Allow her to share her thoughts and fears with you. In fact let her be aware that some bad fathers had abused their daughters, and some even impregnated their own daughters. Recently on social media, a woman was heart-broken as she found out that her two daughters were impregnated by her son, who is their own brother. What a sad story!

Mother, be the first person to teach your daughter about sex education. Don’t wait until she learns the wrong things from outsiders. Teach her about human anatomy, and instil confidence in her to resist any careless touch of any part of her body by the opposite sex. When she is still young, between ages 2 and 6 or thereabout, tell her not to sit on the laps of boys and men, and encourage her to report to you any male that tries to force her into doing that. You know the danger as an adult, but she doesn’t know, please protect her.
Remember, dear  Mother, in trying to train this precious gift of God, be gentle and be loving. If she cannot discern love through your actions, she can turn rebellious once she leaves the confines of your home and may decide to go against all your orders. This is why it is very important to pray to God to save the lives of these young ones. May God help all mothers to be godly examples to their children. Amen.

BE CAUTIOUS ABOUT CROSS-CULTURAL COUNSELLING!

In discussing this topic, I will be sharing some case studies across cultures so as to prepare us to be culturally sensitive, BUT BE BIBLICALLY RELEVANT. We need to understand where people are coming from and what is obtainable in their cultures for us to have meaningful counselling sessions with them, or else we shall be guilty of judging other people’s cultures and that may be counter- productive. People come from different places, and cultures vary from place to place. For instance, in a particular East African country, it is not strange for a single unmarried lady to invite a single unmarried man to a restaurant for a lunch break. She will pay for the food and they will keep chatting. It depends on her, that may happen one or more times, but at a time she chooses, she can just slip a piece of paper into the man’s hand telling him about her intention, and requesting for a meaningful relationship. It is culturally acceptable.

In some other cultures people will look at such practice with disdain. One will hear comments such as, Why must a lady be the first to ask the man for friendship? She is making herself too cheap or is she frustrated? The culturally acceptable way is for the man to be the one to ask the lady for her hand in marriage. That’s another cultural perspective.

In some parts of India, in the continent of Asia, there’s what is called an “arranged marriage,” whereby the parents will be the one to search for a suitable man for their female child and the couple-to-be will only meet each other on the wedding day. No courtship. The wife is the one to pay the dowry to the husband, whereas in some other cultures, when a man matures and desires to marry, he will be the one to search for a lady to marry, and  the man will be the one to pay the bride-price to the wife’s family. The latter is very common in many parts of Africa.

Yet, among a particular tribe in the Northern part of Nigeria, in the continent of Africa, it is cultural for the parents of the lady to buy many items that she will carry to the husband’s house. This includes but not limited to, bed and mattress; refrigerator, Gas cooker and gas cylinder, plates, and cutlery sets; wrappers et cetera. If you are not from such a culture, you will likely ask the question, “So what then is the man supposed to buy if the wife is expected to furnish the house? That’s the culture! Most times the husband already possesses all those stuff in his house.

What is the essence of all these case studies and many more that you will come across? This is to help us understand the fact that people are from different places, and worldviews are not the same. This understanding will help us to know that as counsellors, we shall be faced with cases that will make us marvel, or a little bit confused sometimes. This is why we need the help of the Holy Spirit as we try to help others manage their issues of life. We must be conscious of the word of God, and we must equally be prayerful as people open up their hearts during Counselling sessions. It is important to seek to understand the counsellee’s cultural perspective and what he or she understands with regard to God’s position concerning his/her matter.

For example, there’s a tribe (name withheld) where it is culturally acceptable to fornicate, but adultery is forbidden once a person is married. In fact, a single girl is expected to have one or two children before she can be considered suitable for any suitor. You raised your eyebrow I guess! Yes, that is the culture! Once she has a child or two, it is believed that she is fertile and will surely produce children by the time she is married. The truth remains that this is against the word of God. Fornication is a sin. God will judge fornicators and adulterers. (Hebrews 13:4). We should be bold enough to declare the truth, in love. It is a myth that if a single girl gives birth, it is certain that she will be productive as a married woman. It is God that gives children to people. A Christian counsellor must be versed in the word of God, be able to interprete the scriptures correctly, and apply God’s word appropriately. May the Lord help us with this noble assignment. Amen.

WHY DO YOU GET OFFENDED WHEN “A FRIEND” WALKS OUT OF YOUR LIFE?

 God is our creator and He had a relationship with the first man, Adam, and later with Eve. In Genesis 3: 9, “Then the LORD God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?” To me, that’s a language of love and friendship in many circles, but at God’s appearance, Adam was hiding this time around. Why? He was hiding because of his sin of disobedience to God’s command.

As people rightly claim, Christianity is not a religion, but a personal relationship with God, through the Lord Jesus Christ. Our father in heaven is the author of relationship and as His children, we too long for relationships always. So we cannot blame anyone for desiring to have a relationship with other people. Unfortunately, many of us feel disappointed when the people we call our friends try to walk away from our lives for reasons best known to them. My question is, Why do you feel offended? I think you feel offended when you reflect on the things you have done to assist that fellow, or what that friendship has cost you over time, such as money, time, and resources. Maybe some secrets shared in confidence et cetera. Who owns your time, money, and resources? It is God! So release those pains from your heart.

I think we should learn to accept people as they are. We need to realize that God brings people into our lives at different seasons of life, for different reasons. Our acknowledgement of that truth will free us from undue stress. What I am sharing with you here has helped me greatly. By the grace of God upon my life, I love relating with people. Even when I meet people for the very first time in some instances, they just open their hearts as it were to me, and we will begin to discuss deep issues of life. Personally, I am awed at the way God does it and upon reflection, I have asked myself, “Why did this person pour out his or her mind this way? I realize that it is not about me, it is about the great God that I am representing here on earth.

Some of the friends you meet will be available for some time and suddenly you notice that one or two of them is seemingly tired of your usual concern. When you even try to put a call across to her/him, she/he does not like picking your calls again, and when you send short messages to her/his phone, it is either you receive no reply or she/he manages to drop two or three words. Initially, you want to make an excuse for her, “Oh, maybe she is very busy, or maybe she is stressed.” Beloved, why not watch the handwriting on the wall? She/he needs her/his space, please allow her/him to go. Remember, there was no misunderstanding between you, it’s just that she/he just switched off, please release her/him to enjoy her/his freedom. Maybe if she/he needs you at another season of her/his life, she/he may reconnect, and in that case, gladly receive her/him, provided you are still available.

I love the the way a friend describes it in her book, *the three levels of relationships – the Leaves relationship; the Stems relationship and the Roots relationship. Some people breeze in and breeze out, (Leaves); Some move into your life just to fulfill God-assigned tasks and they are gone forever (the Stems), while some become part of your life in summer and in winter, in joy and in sorrow (the Roots).

(*Grace Olanike Ijaopo, 2019. A Flourishing Life: 60 keystones to living in abundance. Help-Line Foundation International, Ibadan, Nigeria.)

Prayerfully identify the kind of friends God is bringing your way. A clear understanding of this write-up should free you from some of those pains and guilt feelings. You don’t have to offend people before they move away from you, they may not be designed to be there for life. Only Jesus can be with you forever. If any offence is involved, then settle it and forgive each other. A misunderstanding of the three levels of relationships can make you lose a true friend that God is sending your way, I mean if a “Leave friend” has left you and you get so bitter, and you then generalize that all friends are like that, when the “Root friend” is brought your way, your mind may not be clear enough to welcome the person. Friend, in all things, give thanks.

N.B. Please contact us at Joyful Callers Counselling Ministry for your questions, comments and Counselling needs @ WhatsApp +(234) 813-814-3021  or send an email to joyfulcallers@gmail.com. 

                        

                                         JESUS CHRIST HEALS!