6Cs OF MARRIAGE CONFLICTS RESOLUTION: CONFESS IN LOVE

CONFESS IN LOVE –Spouses do have differences in several areas. Opinions may differ, belief systems may not always tally especially if one is a theologian while the other is not too much into theological discourses. When conflicts arise both of them must be ready to confess first to God, that “Lord, I am sorry for this crisis,” then secondly to each other as intimate partners. Talk to each other in love. Forgive as God has forgiven you, no matter how deep the hurts, and say to your spouse, “I love you my dear. Let us not give place to the devil again.” When couples learn to forgive one another, no one will consider divorce. Think always about your relationship with God, and the future of those special Gifts God gave to you.

6Cs OF MARRIAGE CONFLICTS RESOLUTION: CARE FOR THOSE WEAKNESSES

CARE FOR THOSE ‘WEAKNESSES’ – This has to do with accepting each other’s weak points in love. Not that you approve of them, but spouses should love enough to forgive and correct each other as friends.

6 C''s TO CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN MARRIAGE: COME LOW

COME LOW
Whenever there's misunderstanding between husband and wife, they must be ready to come low.  Both partners can not be claiming rights at such times.  Stoop Low. Be Humble as you relate with your spouse. I strongly believe that no couple really enjoy fighting with each other especially when they both have relationships with the creator God. In marriage conflicts, the goal should always be to resolve the issues amicably. Embrace humility and it shall be well with you.

6 C's TO CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN MARRIAGE : CALM DOWN

In marriage relationships, challenges abound! Some manage them well, others chicken out because of frustration. In dealing with conflicts in marriage, the couple must take cognizance of certain things. An old wise man once told me during an interview that whenever there is any misunderstanding between him and his wife, the way God has been helping them is simple, "while daddy is the goat, mummy becomes a sheep, and vice-versa!" What he was trying to say is that both of them do not lose their temper at the same time and blow off the roof of the house. Anger is a deadly weapon. One partner should not flare up in anger and utter terrible words that he or she will regret afterwards. Calm down. Flee from anger. Lie down on your bed and begin to talk to God, your father in heaven, to help you resolve the conflict at such a time. PEACE

THE GIRL CHILD: HANDLE HER WITH LOVE AND CARE (PART 5)

Your girl-child is now a big girl. She is very conscious of herself and would not want mummy and daddy to discern her ‘pranks.’ What she forgets is the fact that mummy was once at that stage in her life. She buys some ‘strange’ stuff and literally hides it from the gaze of mum and dad! Dear mother, let me ask you, “When last did you visit your daughter’s room?” Do you care  to investigate when she comes home with a new ball pen, a new wrist watch or a new shoe? If you ask, she may call a friend’s name to you, but do you care to follow it up? Why all the stress? Your heart questions? Well, it is for the good of both of you. 

Your daughter may have started collecting ‘gifts’ from “boy -friends” that intend to destroy her, but unknown to her and to you the parents. That’s why I suggested in my last blog the need to be a friend to your child. A mother was confronted with a question by her young adult girl, “Mum, why don’t you want me to have a boy-friend?” In this context it actually connotes some negative meaning? The loving mum asked with smiles, “My baby, tell me why do you want to have a  boy-friend at your age? Are you planning to marry soon?” She replied her mum that all her school mates are into that and their boy-friends are giving them gifts. The understanding mother did not frown at her, she spent time to enlighten her daughter about the danger of getting involved intimately with the opposite sex too early in life. The girl understood and she embraced her mum with a ‘thank you’ kiss.   

THE GIRL CHILD : HANDLE HER WITH LOVE AND CARE (PART 4)

Is it only girl-children between age two and four that are at risk as discussed in our last post? Definitely No! It is just an awareness to all parents and guardians that there’s much work on our hands to protect our girl-children. As the girls grow up, they approach puberty, and shapes and contours become more prominent. The next thing is that they become more attractive to the male species out there. Hun –un! It’s time to be more careful. While in a taxi one day, I overheard a mother telling her friend, “I tell my children, I am your mother, I am not your friend!” What’s your take on that? Do you buy her ‘philosophy’? The problem most parents are faced with is this, trying to force respect out of their children! These folks want to be friends with you, and be able to share their stories, confusion and pains, but daddy, you are not just there! Mummy, you are too strict to be available. Do you know what will happen? They look out for parent-figures who could listen to their woes and struggles, and before you know it, you have lost your teenage girl. Waoh! It is time to correct that ‘philosophy’ and be close to your teenage girl. She is ‘hungry’ for love and attention, create time to provide this or else, she will find it elsewhere! In the hands of boys and men who may end up destroying her future. God bless the Girl-Child!

THE GIRL CHILD: HANDLE HER WITH LOVE AND CARE:PART 3

       Children -Male and Female- are gifts from God, and they desire to be treasured highly. My focus on the girl-child is to discuss the uniqueness of this specie. Most parents do not pay enough attention to their female children. When a girl-child is just between two and four years old or thereabout, parents are less worried about them and their relationship with  the opposite sex, especially with their uncles and male cousins around the house. It will surprise you that as small as a girl-child is, she can become a victim of sexual abuse. When adults are not observant enough even when they are at home, the little girl can get into trouble with a male adult that is mischievous.Children are fond of sitting on the laps of adults for example, just to play and enjoy themselves, but if a girl-child is unfortunate to sit on the laps of an unreasonable uncle or any male, it can be dangerous for her. Why do I say this? The male in question can begin to finger your innocent girl! Sometimes, he can open his zipper and you know what that means, don't you? A counselor's advise to all parents- Please and please, protect your girl-children from "wolves in sheep's clothing."
        Parents should spend time with their children after the day's activities, and ask them about their school work and other happenings of the day without suggesting that you are suspicious of any danger. From such interactions with the kids, a lot can unfold which can help parents in proper guidance. When bathing the girl-child in the morning, does she experience unusual pain whenever you try to clean her private part? If Yes, then that is a clue that something is not right. It could be a case of a boil, but if otherwise, you will save her future by seeking necessary medical attention. God bless the girl-child!

THE GIRL CHILD: HANDLE HER WITH LOVE AND CARE (PART 2)

In some societies, the birth of a girl-child is welcomed with joy and celebration, while in some others it is handled with some reservations. It is worse if a woman has previously had two or three girls before the birth of another girl. There was the story of a man who went to the hospital to visit his wife who had just delivered a baby, and by the time he asked about the sex of the baby, the nurse congratulated him that he had a baby girl, a drama took place. Instead of proceeding to the maternity ward where his wife and the baby were, he muttered some derogatory words and simply turned back to return to his house. When the nurses on duty noticed the bad attitude of the man, they called him back and rebuked him that he is not grateful to God. “What if your wife had died during child delivery? You are an ingrate this man. Go inside and see how your wife and your baby are faring.”
             Many people forget that children are gifts from God. There are millions of people all over the world who are praying day and night, seeking all sorts of medical assistance to become pregnant and carry their own babies. Will such people mind female children? Definitely No. Historically, many girls have turned out to become bread winners within their nuclear families as well as extended families. The girl-child needs as much love as we give to the boy-child.

THE GIRL CHILD: HANDLE HER WITH LOVE AND CARE

The girl child is a GIFT from God to the family where she belongs, and so she should be treated with love, tenderness and care. The family is not complete until a woman is enlisted, Adam was not a complete man until God brought mother Eve into his life. It is written in the Bible, "And Adam gave names to all cattle...But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him."(Gen.2:20) God, the creator, knew how important a female specie is, so "the rib which the LORD God had taken from the man He made into a woman", the genesis of "the female child." Since this specie is so precious in God's sight, my question is, "How should she be treated?

CROSS-CULTURAL PRINCIPLES TO MARITAL SUCCESS- PART V

RECOGNIZE CULTURAL DIFFERENCES-  People come from different cultural backgrounds, and that gives rise to differences in culture. Married couples or would-be couples must take cognizance of this fact in their relationships. There was the case study of a man and a woman who hailed from two separate cultures, and were planning to get married. In the woman's culture, wedding ceremony takes place at the groom's family, contrariwise, on the part of the man, wedding ceremony takes place at the bride's home. What a conflict! The husband -to-be took time to explain his culture to his bride-to-be and her family, even though it was a 'strange culture' to the in-law, they agreed and the wedding was conducted at the woman's place. In marriage, there is need to respect each other's cultures. It is pertinent to study the differences in both cultures, take time to ask questions about behavior that is not clear to either of the partner, and spend time to understand each other in love. By so doing you will enjoy your home. There is no perfect culture anywhere, so do not insist that your way is best. Learn to understand each other and adjust where necessary. God bless your home.

CROSS-CULTURAL PRINCIPLES TO MARITAL SUCCESS-PART IV

RECOGNIZE WORLDVIEW CHANGE: For married couples to really enjoy the joy and peace they long for in their marriage relationship, it is pertinent for both of them to become conscious of worldview change. As human beings we see things differently using our cultural lenses, therefore, the husband and the wife must constantly remind themselves that "though we are one, our perception of events differ from time to time." There was this Hausa guy who had lived among the Yoruba people for almost three decades of his life. His elementary, secondary and university education had been shaped by the culture of this people, and during all those years he had interacted with other students with different cultural backgrounds-some of them were Ighos, Ebiras, Eguns etc. By implication the Hausa man has been shape by several cultures. When he was matured enough to choose a wife for himself, he went back to his homeland, and got married to a Hausa lady who had spent most of her lifetime in the Northern part of Nigeria. She also had gone through many schools and interacted with various cultures. My question at this juncture is this: Is our couple 100% Hausawas?  Definitely No! This truth must be acknowledged that there had been changes in their worldviews, and this knowledge will either make or mar their marriage relationship. Therefore, dear married couples, be conscious of worldview change!

 

CROSS CULTURAL PRINCIPLES TO MARITAL SUCCESS- PART III

ACCEPTING THE OTHER PERSON AS HE/SHE IS A woman got married to a man of her dream, and she was so excited that she got the best among the men in her community. She is highly romantic by nature and she was looking forward to enjoying a married relationship full of kisses and all the attendant excitement, alas, the husband could not meet her expectations. He is someone who wants to spend most of his time in the presence of God by observing regular fasts and prayers, coupled with prolonged days of prayer vigils, and he would always ask her to be part of the spiritual exercise. What a disappointment! “I didn’t bargain for this kind of ‘dull’ lifestyle,’ she said to herself. After sharing her dilemma with a Christian friend, she was made to realize that she can still enjoy her husband if only she will learn to accept him as he is, instead of trying to force him into a different mold. She therefore changed her mental attitude and began to appreciate her husband, though not necessarily approving of everything that was going on. Having learnt to accept him as he is, and vice, versa, their marriage relationship took a new and happier dimension. What are you ‘fighting’ to change in your husband or your wife? You can not approve of all his or her character traits, but you can lovingly accept your spouse and appreciate him or her for who he or she is. Remember you are relating with God’s creature.

CROSS-CULTURAL PRINCIPLESTO MARITAL SUCCESS-PART II

"SELF ACCEPTANCE": Who are you? Many people do not really understand who they are. It is therefore important to spend time to understand who you are – study your temperaments, gifts, talents, likes and dislikes, strong and weak points etc. After you must have studied who you are, and how imperfect you are as a person, you will become sober. Can you run away from yourself? Definitely NO! You will likely not approve of everything about yourself, yet you have to accept yourself as you are. For example, a man may not like the shape of his nose, or a woman may not approve of her looks, but the Bible says in Psalms 139:14a, “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” Since you cannot run away from yourself, how then do you treat your partner?

CROSS-CULTURAL PRINCIPLES TO MARITAL BLISS- PART I

There shall be several parts to our discussion on this new topic. Some people may be considering in their minds, “How is this topic relevant to my situation since my wife and I are from the same tribe or same country? And for bachelors and spinsters, you might have taken a position that “I will choose a partner from my own tribe.” That’s o.k. But as the discussion progresses, everybody will agree with me that we all need a good understanding of these cross-cultural principles to help make our marriage relationships better and more romantic. What then is the first principle?