On Sunday, the 5th day of March 2019 I
woke up in the early hours of the day with this thought on my mind, “There’s a
demand placed upon you Child of God, your marriage must work! It looks like
this is a personal message but then the Spirit of the Lord led me to pick up my
writing materials and I began to write. I pray you will be blessed as you read
this piece in Jesus’ name
.
What
is Christian Marriage?
This is my definition. A Christian marriage is one wherein
a man who has embraced the salvation which only Jesus Christ can give is joined
in holy matrimony to a woman who has equally embraced the same salvation through
confession of her sins to Jesus Christ and have invited Him into her life as
her Saviour. John 3: 16 states, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his
only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have
everlasting life.” Jesus told Nicodemus in verse 7 of the same chapter, “Marvel
not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.”
In Genesis 2: 24, “Therefore shall a man leave his
father and his mother, and shall unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.” Can anyone separate one indivisible whole without
causing harm? The moment you try that destruction sets in. Though the two of
them are Christians, human nature can not be ignored. There are moments of
revelations! Seeing the other aspect of your partner which you never expected!
Sometimes you wake up in the quietness of the night and you begin to look at
this partner of yours with several ‘unhealthy’ questions racing through your
mind, especially when you have been hurt. Let us not mention them here! Please
do not dwell on such, rather borrow the “eyes of Jesus” and see your spouse
through Jesus’ eyes. Think of only what Jesus would be seeing in that handiwork
of His. Someone is saying, “You don’t know this partner of mine that is why you
are giving glowing tributes!” But Jesus sees all and He knows all!
Why
must this Marriage Work?
This marriage relationship must work because it is
built on Jesus Christ, the Rock of Ages! God the Father says in Malachi 2:15-16, “Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let
none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of
Israel, saith that he hateth putting away…) “I hate divorce.” I am sure you
will not like to embrace what your Father in heaven hates. You desire to please
your Master, Jesus Christ. Isn’t it? But wait a minute! Are you telling me to
stay on in that abusive marriage? Then I ask you, friend, Was this how it all
began? You started at a place of love and that was why you came together as
husband and wife in the first place, then what happened along the journey
friend?
This
marriage must work because you are brought together by God to showcase His
glory to your generation and generations yet unborn who will read or hear about
your exemplary Christian home. You are called to be a role model!
Let us examine some likely causes of marital conflicts
at this point of our deliberation. These are just my thoughts, there are many
more definitely.
1. 1. Lack
of money to meet up with family needs.
2. 2. Careless
spending of money by either of the marriage partners.
3. 3. Interruption
by the in-laws (mother-in-law; father-in-law; sister or brother-in-law etc)
4. 4. Siblings
becoming overbearing on either the husband or the wife through their monetary
or material demands
5. 5. Communication gap between married couples.
6. 6. Shabby
appearance/dressing on the part of either of the couple.
7. 7. Excessive
weight problem especially on the wife’s part.
8. 8. Lack
of family philosophy of training of the children. Follow the Bible principle in
Prov. 22:6
9. 9. Lack
of mutual respect. Ephesians 5:21Romans 12:10
110. Rebellious
behaviour from either husband or wife.
111. Lack
of respect for parents.
112. Lustful
behaviour in the area of property accumulation.
113. Sexual
dissatisfaction /sexual abuse.
114. Infidelity
or unfaithfulness in marriage.
115. Constant
nagging by the wife or anger from either of the couple.
116. Childlessness
for a period or infertility.
117. Lack
of attention by either husband or wife.
118. Overconcentration of love on the children at the expense of one’s spouse.
119. Getting
hooked on one’s career/ ministry to the total neglect of the other partner.
220. Lack
of romance in the marriage/ bad habit of pornography.
221. Lack
of trust and loyalty.
222. Bitterness
and Unforgiveness.
223. Not
meeting up with each other’s expectations.
224. Pride
and arrogance.
225. Constant
dependence on parents-in-law for family needs and conflict resolution.
226. Lack
of understanding and hypocrisy.
227. Not
listening attentively to your spouse during discussions.
228. Not
cross-checking with your spouse information received from outsiders about him
or her.
229. Battering
i. e Wife beating.
330. Favoritism
in the family.
This marriage is not working again! Let us call it
quits! Be patient my brother! Be calm my dear sister! Some ‘stranger’ is at
that dark corner beating a drum of sorrow, shame, and destruction for you and
your spouse. Can’t you discern it? When
father Adam and Eve were in harmony with their creator in the garden of Eden,
read again what happened to them in the book of Genesis. In the cool of the day,
God in heaven will come down and had fellowship with the first human couple on
earth, but by the time the enemy of our soul crept in as a serpent in Genesis chapter
3. ‘Man’ was misled and that led to a breakdown in their fellowship with God.
Let us read it together again in Genesis 3: 23-24, “Therefore the LORD God sent
him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken.
So he drove out the man…”
Do
you realize that God missed that fellowship? He had to make a way to restore
that communion and that informed the sending of His only begotten Son to earth.
Jesus Christ came and died on the cross for you and for me. He shed His blood
so as to reconcile us back to the Father.
That
marriage must work! It has to work, dear child of God because you are a terror
to the kingdom of Satan. If you now permit the devil to destroy your home, what
happens? You don’t know my partner. The more I pray the more the relationship
worsens! I know it happens sometimes. Please play your own part and leave the
rest to God to iron it out. May His
Spirit not depart from us. Amen.
What
must you do for this marriage to work?
INTIMACY WITH GOD
In marriage three personalities are
involved:
I.
God
II.
Husband
III.
Wife
Every Christian that
wants to live a meaningful and victorious life must be very close to God. It is
important to spend quality time with God in the place of prayer, Bible study,
and meditate on God’s word. As couples, you must be determined to build a Christ-Centred
home. Once the husband’s communication with God is unhindered as well as that
of the wife towards God, they will naturally flow towards each other. But if
one party has a communication breakdown between him/her and God, it will affect
his/her communication with the spouse.
Once the communication lines are open between God and the couple, things will work out better.
Therefore, direct the attention of the entire family to the supremacy of Christ
in your lives and personal endeavours.
The word of God says, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and
his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew
6:33)
Friend, deepen your
relationship with the Holy Spirit. He will teach you how to listen to divine
instructions and will grant you a heart of obedience so that you can please
your creator. What of if I find myself in an abusive marriage? What of if the
man or the woman wants to kill me? You are not a robot, you are a human being! Turn
it over to God, and do whatever he instructs you to do at any particular time
for your safety. In closing, let God be the leader in your home.
(For
counselling, please contact Joyful Callers Counselling Ministry @ 0813-814-3021
or send an email to “joyfulcallers@gmail.com”)
