In
discussing this topic, I will be sharing some case studies across cultures so
as to prepare us to be culturally sensitive, BUT BE BIBLICALLY RELEVANT. We
need to understand where people are coming from and what is obtainable in their
cultures for us to have meaningful counselling sessions with them, or else we
shall be guilty of judging other people’s cultures and that may be counter-
productive. People come from different places, and cultures vary from place to
place. For instance, in a particular East African country, it is not strange for
a single unmarried lady to invite a single unmarried man to a restaurant for a lunch
break. She will pay for the food and they will keep chatting. It depends on
her, that may happen one or more times, but at a time she chooses, she can just
slip a piece of paper into the man’s hand telling him about her intention, and requesting
for a meaningful relationship. It is culturally acceptable.
In some
other cultures people will look at such practice with disdain. One will hear
comments such as, Why must a lady be the first to ask the man for friendship?
She is making herself too cheap or is she frustrated? The culturally acceptable
way is for the man to be the one to ask the lady for her hand in marriage.
That’s another cultural perspective.
In some parts
of India, in the continent of Asia, there’s what is called an “arranged marriage,”
whereby the parents will be the one to search for a suitable man for their
female child and the couple-to-be will only meet each other on the wedding
day. No courtship. The wife is the one to pay the dowry to the husband, whereas in
some other cultures, when a man matures and desires to marry, he will be the
one to search for a lady to marry, and the
man will be the one to pay the bride-price to the wife’s family. The latter is
very common in many parts of Africa.
Yet, among a particular tribe in the Northern part of Nigeria, in the continent of Africa,
it is cultural for the parents of the lady to buy many items that she will
carry to the husband’s house. This includes but not limited to, bed and
mattress; refrigerator, Gas cooker and gas cylinder, plates, and cutlery sets;
wrappers et cetera. If you are not
from such a culture, you will likely ask the question, “So what then is the man
supposed to buy if the wife is expected to furnish the house? That’s the
culture! Most times the husband already possesses all those stuff in his house.
What is the essence of all these case studies and many more that you will come across? This
is to help us understand the fact that people are from different places, and
worldviews are not the same. This understanding will help us to know that as
counsellors, we shall be faced with cases that will make us marvel, or a little
bit confused sometimes. This is why we need the help of the Holy Spirit as we
try to help others manage their issues of life. We must be conscious of the
word of God, and we must equally be prayerful as people open up their hearts
during Counselling sessions. It is important to seek to understand the
counsellee’s cultural perspective and what he or she understands with regard to
God’s position concerning his/her matter.
For example,
there’s a tribe (name withheld) where it is culturally acceptable to fornicate,
but adultery is forbidden once a person is married. In fact, a single girl is
expected to have one or two children before she can be considered suitable for
any suitor. You raised your eyebrow I guess! Yes, that is the culture! Once she
has a child or two, it is believed that she is fertile and will surely produce
children by the time she is married. The truth remains that this is against the
word of God. Fornication is a sin. God will judge fornicators and adulterers.
(Hebrews 13:4). We should be bold enough to declare the truth, in love. It is a
myth that if a single girl gives birth, it is certain that she will be
productive as a married woman. It is God that gives children to people. A
Christian counsellor must be versed in the word of God, be able to interprete
the scriptures correctly, and apply God’s word appropriately. May the Lord help
us with this noble assignment. Amen.
