INTRODUCTION
Sometimes in the
year 2020, during the Corona Virus pandemic, a lot of Ministries/Churches
resulted in online programmes since it became impossible for people to assemble
in their Churches and Fellowship halls. As Joyful Callers Counselling Ministry,
the Lord laid it on our hearts to run online teaching, so we came up with a
WhatsApp teaching group tagged “Free Counselling Class.” We had fifty-three registered
participants from six countries, which was quite encouraging. Cross-fertilization of ideas from different worldviews also added value to our
discussions to the glory of God. Different topics were discussed over a period
of six weeks (Wednesday evenings only). One of the issues we dealt with was the issue of divorce. This was a big concern to us seeing the increasing rate
of divorce in our societies. We were not just interested in discussing various
factors that are responsible for divorce, rather we are more interested in
suggesting ways of combating this menace so that we can all enjoy a more
stable family life where our children can be brought up in the way of the Lord,
and grow up to become responsible citizens of our beloved countries.
Therefore, I asked
the participants on the platform to share with us their own resolutions on how
to reduce the menace of divorce in our societies. The edited responses are
hereby presented.
Mrs. A. A opined,
“By the grace of God, my resolution is to put more efforts into what I am
currently doing in the area of Christian Parenting in the 21st Century
(WhatsApp platform). I believe that the decadence of our society streams from
homes. Therefore the home front needs healing. The home front needs fixing. We
need to go back to our first love where Christ is modeled before the children,
as the head of the home.”
Another person states
thus: Children are silent observers to their parents' marriages. Opinions and mindsets
are formed early, often strongholds are formed in their subconscious young
minds that ultimately deeply influence their own attitudes to the institution
of marriage. It, therefore, comes as no surprise that a son who grew up seeing
his father beat up his mother, often replicates the same abuse in his marriage, but
for the grace of God. A daughter who watched her father unleash various forms
of domestic abuse upon her mother may be completely turned off towards the
institution of marriage, because why would she want to suffer a similar fate?
Such reasons have been implicated in late marriages, marital problems and
consequent divorce.
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I believe strongly that, “there is a place of personal responsibility in marital harmony and success. A married couple should also be continually aware of this fact, that their attitudes and actions in their marriage are a constant lesson to their children and impressionable young minds in their sphere of influence and thus, strive to set a good example. To stem the tide of divorce in society, the change must begin within. – Dr. O.O |
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Some others believe that Forgiveness helps to keep us in the right direction with the Holy Spirit, and gives us a
peaceful mind. Also when God sees our willingness to forgive, He helps us further without much effort on our side. Unfortunately, we are not willing to take the pain to forgive at times because we don’t fully understand the good that comes from forgiveness. Forgiveness is a strong foothold for the Holy
Spirit to do wonders. Forgiveness brings healing and it repairs our relationship with God and with one another. It brings a refreshing to the soul. Therefore, a godly way to resolve divorce is for couples to embrace the virtue of FORGIVENESS. Forgive your partner as God forgives you. Mummy O. O. presents her own
views in the following words: |
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1. Parental care
and teaching of moral values, cultural values, and most importantly Godly values
from the Bible must be taken seriously.
2. Teaching the
young ones before marriageable age the value and permanence of marriage. This
is very important because we are in an age where singles (male and female) see a marriage relationship as one that can be dissolved at will. If it works, fine,
if it doesn’t work we call it quits. Any couple that enters into a marriage
relationship with such a bias may likely not endure, and adjustment will almost
be at zero levels. We need to teach our children that marriage is God’s idea,
not man’s, and He meant for it to be permanent, only death is allowed to separate
the couple.
3. Praying through
for the deliverance of homes and stoppage to activities of home enemies through the
blood of Jesus.
4. Organising Counselling and teaching sessions for couples as regards God’s word concerning
marriages and keeping the homes secure will also help.
5. Discipleship
sessions for converts after they might have experienced the salvation of their souls
will help people to value God’s word in all circumstances of life..
6. Living an
exemplary Godly life worthy of emulation will equally help.
In adding her own
voice to this all-important, life-saving discussion, Mummy Y. M, wrote, “As an individual,
who is in the Marriage Counselling committee of my local assembly, I have
resolved to continuously counsel intending couples never to consider divorce as
an option and to let them know about all the people that will be affected
negatively if there is a divorce in a home.” This is a very healthy step to take
because many people only think about their own selfish desire to have their way
at all cost, forgetting that many people are tied to their lives. For instance,
what becomes of the children after a divorce case? What about the mental health
of the partner who never anticipated such disruption to his or her life’s
journey? People must learn to sit back and think meditatively on the word
of God in Malachi 2: 16, “… For the LORD
of Israel says that He hates divorce.”
Mrs. Y. Y. B’s
resolve is this, “to advise intending couples to be friends first before
marriage. This will help them overcome issues like communication gaps which
open the door to several other problems. If there is genuine communication and
bonding, divorce will not come to play.” Mrs. A.A. asserts, “I am trusting God
to help my children and all other people that God is sending to me, to get it
right before marriage, to go for pre-marital counselling, and to take it seriously.”
A pastor who is serving in a Franco-phone context
puts it this way, “In the culture where I am, marriage is a contract and not a
covenant. So the issue of divorce is not an issue with them at all.” There are
certain foundations laid that do not allow marriage to take place at all, if
eventually it does, divorce is at the corner if the couples do not pray very
well. So we need to tackle divorce spiritually than physically. Also, courtship
before marriage is very important, and during courtship, there should be no sex.
Once a would-be couple is involved in sex it is a sin against God, and it
covers errors. A faulty foundation that is! It is advisable that the couple
should be attending Marriage seminars together so that they can learn how to
please God in their homes. That will help a lot to curb this menace. – Pastor
E.U.J
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