Tuesday 26 February 2019

BRIDGES TO RELATIONSHIPS: Facts or Assumptions Written by Dr. Esther Adenike Luogon


INTRODUCTION

All too often conflicts erupt among friends, peers, relations and others in their interaction with one another, basically due to communication problems. Communication is said to be the bedrock of all forms of relationships, and a good understanding is the hallmark of communication. Positive form of communication would attract good and successful relationship, while negative form of communication might result into a disintegration of relationship. Let me refresh our minds on few tips about communication. An author defines communication as “the interchange of ideas, facts and emotions by two or more persons by the use of words, letters and symbols.” There are different kinds of communication- verbal and non-verbal. At times human beings draw their conclusions by whatever interpretations are attached to words that are spoken or actions that are displayed. Unfortunately some of the interpretations are sometimes wrong because they are based on false premises.

If a class teacher is talking to a student for example and the boy begins to fidget, the teacher might assume one or two things, either that the boy is rude or is in a hurry to leave, but the actual fact may be that the young boy is pressed but he is afraid to ask the teacher to excuse him in order to attend to the call of nature. It is obvious that due to the wrong assumptions being upheld by the teacher, he will pass a wrong judgment on the boy and may even punish him. But if he cares enough to find out from the boy his reason for fidgeting, definitely he would develop a healthier attitude towards the boy. What I am reiterating in essence is the fact that communication is often hard work. When two or more people are engaged in any discussion, each party expects the other party to listen to the points raised and respond appropriately, but often we get disappointed when the feedback that is received is not in consonance with the message that was sent...

There was an interesting story about two friends who happen to come from different tribes, and by implication they speak different languages. Ojo visited his friend, Musa on one sunny day. The latter was so excited and instead of welcoming his friend first, he rushed into the bedroom to invite his father to come and meet with his friend. Unfortunately the visit turned sour just because differences in their languages were not taken into account. When Musa was rushing to call his father he said, “Where is my father, my friend is here.” Interestingly the same sentence Musa spoke in his language connotes a different meaning in Ojo’s language. What Ojo heard therefore was, “Where is my cutlass, my enemy has come.”

If you were Ojo, I guess you would have waited for Musa, or what would you have done? In all honesty nobody in his right mind would want to stay a second longer to watch the drama. By the time Musa and his father came out, Ojo, his friend had disappeared into thin air. When people are relating, cross-cultural considerations are very helpful. Musa and Ojo are from different cultures and that affected their relationship. This sounds like an extreme case though because if Ojo were to wait to find out from Musa what he meant, it might be too late if Ojo’s interpretation turned out to be correct...

TO BE CONTINUED ...


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